Bondage Games in SW Wales.
The problem with clinically. The problem with clinically is that when you say the word into a voice-to-text software, in a proper Welsh pronunciation, it interprets it as the word ‘clinically’. This observation is not the original purpose of my making this post.
The problem with Llanelli is it is so backward here the people need everything to be black and white simple. Anything complicated is universally repressed as being wrong.
At the same time, the intricacies of the control and domination games played by most of the sub-cultural groups, are far from being black and white simple and obvious.
I grew up in BDSM culture from a young age. I get it. By the age of eight I understood naturally the differences between gay and bisexual - without that necessarily making me either. Even today a lot of Welsh people have difficulty with it because of mainstream social prejudice (conformity and ignorance).
What they now call LGBT too, back in the eighties and nineties which for Wales is equivalent to the fifties and sixties, didn’t yet exist so it was all an offshoot of what back then used to be called BDM.
Reference to the Sadism element was discretely added a decade or so later after the scene and its terminology was established in the region, when it became more acceptable to explore such dark places.
There four major sub-groups within BDSM categories. I self-identify as Switch and I have unfortunately a lot of experience with Brats, despite not wanting to.
I came to Llanelli and people here, are black and white. They see Sub or Dom. That’s it, you get pigeon-holed into one category or the other. They call it Top or Bottom. No between. They laugh at the idea there can even be an in-between.
So because I’m Switch and not overtly Dom, the wannabe Doms catagorize me as a Sub. I’m not a Sub, I’m Switch.
“No,” says the Doms, “you’re not a Dom because I am a Dom and I’m telling you that you are a Sub.”
It’s all power games.
I’ve known professional dominatrix and most Llanelli Doms aren’t. They’re people playing power games. There’s a big difference, the major one being consent. Throughout the professional industry and the history and development of bdsm culture, consent is the major critical. For extreme example its why we use safe words. Even within CNC (consensual non-consent, which is the nice name for rape-play) consent is the critical mutually shared understanding.
Without consent, it is abuse.
There is a big difference between consenting to extreme sports (including physical pain, punishment, etc), and actual criminal abuse which causes lasting psychological and emotional damage.
Abuse from narcissistic games is not welcome in BDSM communities. Narcissists of course are attracted to such positions of empowerment because it enables them to abuse. Narcissists assume domination over their targets life using whatever overt and covert means necessary, without consent and even despite formal non-consent. That is not the same thing as dominatrix within BDSM culture.
With proper Dom training the importance of recognizing the Doms role to include being a carer and instructor, toward the end result of healing the subject through whatever activities the subject has consented to, or consented to trust the Dom to inflict upon them.
Being a sub in that context is to trust the Dom to create spaces in which to explore emotional and psychological planes, as much as physical pleasure-pain relations. It is all about personal development.
The trust relationship between a Dom and the sub is also a factor, wherein the sub is enabling the Dom to explore that space within themself. Again, this is why we have safe words.
The role of a Switch is somebody who can and needs to alternate between sometimes being a Dom and sometimes being a sub. Switch get on best with another switch. The classical roles form a framework to orientate, communicate shared activities and discuss those things explored and experienced together with an intimate trust partner.
In most places, most people are Switches. Not in Llanelli. A handful of narcissists has declared everybody else to be subs upon whom they inflict all types of cruel emotional and psychological games, without consent. These narcissists recognize one another as such, and describe one another as the social Doms to reinforce their authority consensus.
Most people in Llanelli who use the BDSM framework do not know what a Switch is. Much less what Brats are. They are not taught BDSM, they are taught narcissistic abuse networks using select terminology and concepts taken from that community.
Bondage is powerful. It is not limited to dressing up in leather of pvc and tying people up. It affects whole being and other areas of life. It’s about relationships and establishing groundwork an operational framework from which to explore from. This is not merely physical. It is mental and emotional, it is instinctual and energetic. It is about building and maintaining shared worlds.
Searching online sex toy shops for category bondage, it’s appalling how limited the range is when comparing what it’s all about with the focus of what stuff is available. In twenty five years I’ve required very little of that stuff at all and don’t know why people would get into most of it.
BDSM isn’t primarily about different flogging tools. The whole purpose is opening mental and emotional spaces safely to face and deal with darker aspects of self we probably wouldn’t openly wear in public.
Bondage games are about relationships, nurturing them as they develop. About the individuals involved. The understanding that a relationship is a pure thing, is a trust between consenting individuals. Most of that is about helping each other grow in understanding and toward being better, stronger, more wholesome individuals. Independently choosing to grow together to become independent, choosing to remain together. A relationship is a luxury. Bondage is about exploring those ties which bind, communicating about them, enjoying them.
Break-ups leave loose ends, minds and emotions flailing painfully, bodies physically craving routine addiction. The best partners are those who protect their partner in event of that outcome while simultaneously providing stability for that not to happen. The method is from mutual respect, which exists only because of consent. Avoiding routine becoming addiction is what keeps partnership fresh.
#BDSM #BDM #narcissism #abuse #bondage #dom #sub #switch #sub #consent
The problem with clinically. The problem with clinically is that when you say the word into a voice-to-text software, in a proper Welsh pronunciation, it interprets it as the word ‘clinically’. This observation is not the original purpose of my making this post.
The problem with Llanelli is it is so backward here the people need everything to be black and white simple. Anything complicated is universally repressed as being wrong.
At the same time, the intricacies of the control and domination games played by most of the sub-cultural groups, are far from being black and white simple and obvious.
I grew up in BDSM culture from a young age. I get it. By the age of eight I understood naturally the differences between gay and bisexual - without that necessarily making me either. Even today a lot of Welsh people have difficulty with it because of mainstream social prejudice (conformity and ignorance).
What they now call LGBT too, back in the eighties and nineties which for Wales is equivalent to the fifties and sixties, didn’t yet exist so it was all an offshoot of what back then used to be called BDM.
Reference to the Sadism element was discretely added a decade or so later after the scene and its terminology was established in the region, when it became more acceptable to explore such dark places.
There four major sub-groups within BDSM categories. I self-identify as Switch and I have unfortunately a lot of experience with Brats, despite not wanting to.
I came to Llanelli and people here, are black and white. They see Sub or Dom. That’s it, you get pigeon-holed into one category or the other. They call it Top or Bottom. No between. They laugh at the idea there can even be an in-between.
So because I’m Switch and not overtly Dom, the wannabe Doms catagorize me as a Sub. I’m not a Sub, I’m Switch.
“No,” says the Doms, “you’re not a Dom because I am a Dom and I’m telling you that you are a Sub.”
It’s all power games.
I’ve known professional dominatrix and most Llanelli Doms aren’t. They’re people playing power games. There’s a big difference, the major one being consent. Throughout the professional industry and the history and development of bdsm culture, consent is the major critical. For extreme example its why we use safe words. Even within CNC (consensual non-consent, which is the nice name for rape-play) consent is the critical mutually shared understanding.
Without consent, it is abuse.
There is a big difference between consenting to extreme sports (including physical pain, punishment, etc), and actual criminal abuse which causes lasting psychological and emotional damage.
Abuse from narcissistic games is not welcome in BDSM communities. Narcissists of course are attracted to such positions of empowerment because it enables them to abuse. Narcissists assume domination over their targets life using whatever overt and covert means necessary, without consent and even despite formal non-consent. That is not the same thing as dominatrix within BDSM culture.
With proper Dom training the importance of recognizing the Doms role to include being a carer and instructor, toward the end result of healing the subject through whatever activities the subject has consented to, or consented to trust the Dom to inflict upon them.
Being a sub in that context is to trust the Dom to create spaces in which to explore emotional and psychological planes, as much as physical pleasure-pain relations. It is all about personal development.
The trust relationship between a Dom and the sub is also a factor, wherein the sub is enabling the Dom to explore that space within themself. Again, this is why we have safe words.
The role of a Switch is somebody who can and needs to alternate between sometimes being a Dom and sometimes being a sub. Switch get on best with another switch. The classical roles form a framework to orientate, communicate shared activities and discuss those things explored and experienced together with an intimate trust partner.
In most places, most people are Switches. Not in Llanelli. A handful of narcissists has declared everybody else to be subs upon whom they inflict all types of cruel emotional and psychological games, without consent. These narcissists recognize one another as such, and describe one another as the social Doms to reinforce their authority consensus.
Most people in Llanelli who use the BDSM framework do not know what a Switch is. Much less what Brats are. They are not taught BDSM, they are taught narcissistic abuse networks using select terminology and concepts taken from that community.
Bondage is powerful. It is not limited to dressing up in leather of pvc and tying people up. It affects whole being and other areas of life. It’s about relationships and establishing groundwork an operational framework from which to explore from. This is not merely physical. It is mental and emotional, it is instinctual and energetic. It is about building and maintaining shared worlds.
Searching online sex toy shops for category bondage, it’s appalling how limited the range is when comparing what it’s all about with the focus of what stuff is available. In twenty five years I’ve required very little of that stuff at all and don’t know why people would get into most of it.
BDSM isn’t primarily about different flogging tools. The whole purpose is opening mental and emotional spaces safely to face and deal with darker aspects of self we probably wouldn’t openly wear in public.
Bondage games are about relationships, nurturing them as they develop. About the individuals involved. The understanding that a relationship is a pure thing, is a trust between consenting individuals. Most of that is about helping each other grow in understanding and toward being better, stronger, more wholesome individuals. Independently choosing to grow together to become independent, choosing to remain together. A relationship is a luxury. Bondage is about exploring those ties which bind, communicating about them, enjoying them.
Break-ups leave loose ends, minds and emotions flailing painfully, bodies physically craving routine addiction. The best partners are those who protect their partner in event of that outcome while simultaneously providing stability for that not to happen. The method is from mutual respect, which exists only because of consent. Avoiding routine becoming addiction is what keeps partnership fresh.
#BDSM #BDM #narcissism #abuse #bondage #dom #sub #switch #sub #consent