CPBT

Somebody posted a slideshow which caught my attention 

to a Narcissism Recovery group on Instagram. 

I have copied it here. 

The pale yellow squares containing questions. 

This is practically the same check-list my ex had me go through with her. 

I’ve literally done this test and answered these questions. 

Here’s what I said:

1 I like you enough to want to make sure you’re okay. 

   Love is a huge topic we can dedicate our lives to exploring together in a best possible outcome scenario. 

2 Yes, I enjoy looking at you. 

   Would you have it any other way? 

   Do you ask because you want me to suggest changes?

   For example I prefer no make-up to make-up.  

3 We can grow together if we make the effort, 

   it involves changing in ways we trust each other to guide us 

   to become whatever each other require of each other.  

   Which is all about communication. 

4 Trust is built over time through shared experiences. 

   So, let’s share some more experiences. 

   Trusting our intuition is our direct connection to the divine. 

   My intuition tells me to gently lower my natural defensive boundaries over time 

   as we develop our trust for each other together. 

   I’m happy and willing to do that. 

5 I am only yours as much as you are only mine. 

   We both have children by other people.

   Our children but not the other parent should be our priority.  

   We’re in this together and it should not be a slavery for either of us, 

   even if we play with sub-Dom dynamics which inevitably appear in any relationship, 

   the foundation of that is equality of belonging with each other. 

6 I hope neither of us will cheat on the other. 

   We’re both as likely to be faced with temptations to test us. 

   Would it destroy what we have built if one of us did cheat? 

   Or are we strong enough to laugh about it and carry on positively with love? 

   I don’t want to cheat on you, if that’s what you mean by asking. 

   I certainly don’t plan to. 

7 No one person can satisfy 100% of the needs of another person. 

   It’s realistic to be realistic about it. 

   We are in this together and learning from each other. 

   Nobody is perfect all the time and that’s an impossible expectation to hold someone to. 

   Because we’re humans. 

   A normal relationship need for anyone is to support and be supported by loved ones, 

   by trying to understand what they’re going through and work to uplift them if necessary. 

   Is it likely to get so severe it’s more than we can handle? 

The answer is that it did. She is professionally diagnosed with histrionic narcissism after her ex before me had her checked out regarded endangerment to her child and other people. I can verify the accuracy of the diagnosis despite my not wanting to believe it for a long time before her mask slipped. When I confronted her about it she ripped it off completely and never made any pretence again. Hashtag Hostility. 

Which illustrates the sort of person who does ask their partner these sorts of questions on a second date over a bottle of wine which is her thing. 

She asked these questions as a 'getting to know each other session' under the guise of "building some strong relationship bonds with hope to a happy future together" (her words). 

8 Eligible for me?  

   If we fulfil each other’s relationship needs we will be eligible.

   It seems a strange way to express that although it’s direct and focussed. 

   Are you sure it’s the right word? 

   It invokes a lot of nuances. 

   What are the criteria for eligibility? 

   I’ll tell you yours if you tell me mine. 

   People pair up and bond for mutual emotional, mental and physical support.