Glimmer

©2024 Ordo Octopia

Contemplations of the Void

As a child and teenager 

I would have dreams of

Falling through the safety net 

Into Abyss

Into Void 

Alone 

Detaching from the body

Sensation of falling does not feel like falling

Detaching from the body 

This is what death feels like

Sensory deprivation

There is no body to sense with

Only the self which is aware of the self 

Only that exists 

A purity of connecting with it 

And then 

Revelation there are others out there too 

Aware I could not be the only one 

Others also falling 

But unreachable in the void 

Perhaps through empathy and telepathy

Nothing else though 

This was the training

To develop empathy and telepathy

To listen 

To listen through the inner silence 

To connect with others

This the only warmth the only comfort

The only thing left to do

To develop this level of perception 

I first had to die 

I had to come to this awareness 

of the nihilistic training for myself

No other could teach it 

That was part of the process

And so I could never communicate with others about it

For to do so would 

Deny them the same revelation 

necessary for them to discover for themself

this path of evolution 

of the senses 

Or it would start a cult 

Either way 

There are others alike this

I chose to wear black 

The gothic subculture 

Called me 

This was how the darkness trained me

Not evil darkness 

Cold lonely darkness 

Not extrovert

Introvert

And within I found the light 

I wanted to paint and draw all this

I did not know how

In the external world 

Which is delusional and distraction from the meditation of Nothing 

I discovered meaning hidden in

The pen work of Giger 

of stairs into the Nothing 

Showed me 

How much I needed to go to Germany 

I went there several times 

I had a kid with a girl of Germanic descent

The Black Forest 

Is the concept of the mythological Mayan sixth age creatures 

Spirits not disguising and hiding from themselves 

in delusion of the Mayan fifth age of illusion 

The souls exposed and witnessed clearly for what they are

For they have done the purification ritual lifestyle meditation 

Contemplating the void 

Our role in it 

Solipsism 

These entities I see as stars 

within my minds eye 

the imagination which fleshes them 

for recognition 

Despite them being too far out of reach to access physically

with forgotten bodies

In this void we communicate internally 

Once I had achieved this vision 

Which took me decades to shape 

into words for communication

But then I discovered physical pleasures

Shared 

Shared without sharing also soul

Not only a distraction from the void 

But also a healing from it

A light equally as bright to my attentions

As important to the development of consciousness 

Yet very much connected to the body 

Reawakening to time and space 

Trapping our focal attention 

into the Now 

It is desire which earths us 

yet must be earthed 

for stability and relative sanity 

A complicated culture 

surrounds the need for sexuality 

I blinked out of the void and into life 

Not nearly so much as I should have 

For I allowed others cynical judgement and jealousy 

To inhibit me from satisfying my needs

I hid where I should have shone

Because I was snuffed when I shone 

It has to do with confidence 

 

So I went on dissatisfied into life 

My whole life craving 

To return to being that alone 

But to do so with another

Who is also that alone 

With the void within

To study the fire of life 

Against the abyss of knowing 

I seek one who knows the void as well as I

Who is as pure 

To connect their emptiness with mine 

So the void gates fuse and we become one

Without avoiding that 

The way most do 

Who have not studied this spiritual path

Who avoid the deepest level of truth

It is within us all 

Yet so few of us acknowledge nor accept 

Nor even know of what I speak

So I leave this for future generations 

Who also find the void 

Are changed by it 

By becoming both Nothing and Everything 

By way of evolution 

Of sentience itself