EclipseShadow2024

Shadow Work after the twin eclipses gate of spring 2024

Analysing why I emotionally need her so much that it physically hurts and emotionally hurts so deeply powerful, more than any other emotion I experience. 

Analysing why her recurrent anger toward me triggers my flight response. 

Insecure attachment disorder from childhood neglect. 

I react by ending the relationship only to miss her terribly and want her back more than I can bare. It is because of taking time out, the time it takes to heal from the shock of her anger. To remember the love we are able to create between us. 

What undermines my ability to stay steadfast and continually stable for her? ‘In my masculine frame’ as they call it in men’s help groups. 

It is that she is able to put me in flight mode by triggering my subconscious core wound. 

It has happened so often, we have had a chance to recognise and analyse it for what it is. 

Doing the shadow work means facing the fear of this and being honest about it. 

Her anger is for me a problem, my reaction to it is for her a problem. It creates insecure attachments in the relationship. 

It has affected her kids, because I am not there as often as she needs me to be, because I am taking time out to heal. 

I feel undervalued because she does not acknowledge or respect what I do for them. It comes across as her entitlement. 

There is certainly no reward for me in the expense of money time energy focus, general effort put into her and the kids. She certainly does not invest that into me and my kid.

I’m fed up of being up against being made to feel there is something wrong with me because I can’t let go. 

This is what happens whenever I overcome the insecurity attachment disorder to go forward toward her, and encounter any hint of rejection. 

It is encouraged by society, her friends and parents who use it as leverage that I am obsessed therefore dangerous. It is from the feminist handbook. 

I perceive her anger as a rejection. She rejects me and then blames me for rejecting her. We have been trapped into that cycle for most of our relationship. 

I perceive her anger as controlling behaviour. I cannot function as a slave without breaking. I am not willingly an energy donor. None of us are supposed to be. 

Her ignoring me, triggers relationship insecurity. I’m doing this to her too. It’s not fair. 

How can we break this cycle? 

She needs to never push me away when we’re hugging. She says I am clingy and she feels stifled and needs breathing space. Sometimes people need a hug for emotional support. Especially when they never experienced that as a child. 

Feminism says she’s not my mother and I am wrong for expecting that of a partner. Loving partners hug without question. Hugging releases vasopressin, oxytocin, seretonin, endorphins. 

My expectancy and entitlement is a romantic partner will want to hug together. I do not believe this is a delusion on my part. 

I’m burnt out from chasing her entitlement and expectations. We are both burnt out from too busy lifestyles. We rely on the strength of having each other to fall back on which is why we do not put time into bonding and being a functional couple. 

The problem is we do not reinforce the strength of our being a couple. It becomes a reactive based abuse system echoing childhood traumas until destruction. 

This is very common in today’s society. Society wades in with the feminism rhetoric of the anti-narcissism paradigm to use as leverage all unresolved issues to segregate. 

It does this under the label of female empowerment by non-accountability of blame-shifting resulting in man-hating. 

This is one reason why men insist feminism is cancer.