Dominators

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Somebody mentioned to me about how I was never going to be a star player. This relates to and in some ways is the opposite to what a therapist mentioned on the same day. That I should step into my full confidence to enjoy my life. 

What it is, I was punished as a kid for asserting my existence or opinion. I was shouted down continuously. I had to be a servile and then get back in my box. I was treated like an object to be forgotten about. 

The impact this had on my psychology was to desire death and irrelevancy. To attract to me others who would fill the role of the dominator. I was violently bullied continuously in school on a daily basis. 

As soon as I was free from familial influence I connected to my Self. I became quite popular. This happened a few places I lived with different groups of people. I connected to my Leo energy which is my Vedic sign, I’m Virgo in Sidereal (western) zodiac. 

I adapted to my social conditions from an early age as we do. In my case when dominating, competitive people shout me down it is easier to let them get on with it and ignore them than it is to stand my ground and argue. Argument and competition are a waste of energy. 

In Dune by Frank Herbert is the Fremen Tau which is basically to ‘do what is necessary’ which in social terms for us means ‘the path of least resistance’ of getting people off my back by being quiet. 

I figure if they respected and valued what insight I have they would listen. Their disrespect is noted even when not immediately reacted to. The social expectancy is immediate reaction, resulting in argument and entanglement in social domination games and strategies. Something in which I have no interest whatsoever. 

On the principle it is to compromise with other peoples strategies; which is already a ride into nothing so far as building a stable world based on mutual respect. So I will not empower it. 

What people in Wales seem to want is men empowered in their masculinity by being openly dominating and showing they are that thing. Many people who dominate the social arena don’t respect men who are quiet because of not wanting to arguing with dominant people nor think they have anything to prove. 

“If you want to be respected you have to prove it in a very specific way, otherwise we become confused.” Is how a culture long ago stagnated by not adapting to not valuing the individual. 

“To each their need, From each their ability.” Marxism. We do not have that in Wales. 

What happens when dominators shout people down is they don’t learn anything. 

In the BDSM culture is a slogan ‘safe, sane and consensual’ which in practical terms means if a person does not consent to be dominated then the self-styled dominant is automatically an abuser rather than a respectable Dom. It’s a reference checkpoint. 

People who use reptilian brain more than mammalian cortex almost universally do not recognise the difference between a respectable Dom who is trusted and given consent verses an abusive dominator who dominates others for egotistical purposes of their having to be the Dom in any situation. 

These are two camps. It’s based on perceptions. Those who have humanitarianism to consider the other person on their merits and those who consider the louder person the boss regardless of any other factors. 

I have had this example with so many people of all genders. My ex is a classic, she self-identifies as ‘The Dom’ which involves so many abuse strategies to control the people around her. 

To back down to her in any way rather than to become embroiled in high tension argument she believes ‘normal’ is identified by her as submissive behaviour. To her way of thinking it proves the other person is a submissive. 

What is not factored by the Dominator is people who identify how the easiest way to calm The Dominator down is to be quiet until they go away, rather than standing up for their own personal boundaries which antagonises the Dominator and escalates the situation toward tension, argument and anger. 

To choose the path of peace when confronting a Dominator is preferable although it requires down-time to detox from them afterward. 

Especially as I am autistic and get autistic burnout easily. For autistic spectrum people this is a survival need. The Doms identify it as weakness. 

Preferring to be alone or with peaceful people rather than with someone who tells you incessantly what to think and starts arguments with you for protecting your boundaires is not a sign of weakness.  

Confident people do not need to play such games nor do they need to compete with others in ordinarily non-competitive circumstances such as the vast majority of incidents of normal life. 

Dominators of this sort are antisocial behaviour, antisocial personality disorders. Interrupting and shouting people down that a persons inner tranquility is replaced by an onslaught of the Dominators stream of consciousness are signs of it. 

It is not the same as the Dom role referred to in BDSM profiling. 

A lot of these Dominators also use projection and claim their own behaviour is what the person they are talking at does, any time they attempt to interject and converse or speak at all. This projection is a form of gaslighting. 

What this does to people who experience such Domination regularly and adapt to it is symptoms of mental abuse. 

This is recognised however 99% the entire body of studies and wisdom done on this has almost entirely been done with female victims of male dominators. There is so very little research for male victims of female doninators that the authorities officially do not believe it exists. 

Despite that in practise 50% of dominators are female and 50% of them are male. 

Females tend to have a different personality behind closed doors than in public more often than do men. Females also project their own traits onto others more often than do men. 

This statement is from my own experience of studying this particular aspect of human psychology, personality and social interactions. 

While I may appear to be quiet and outspoken, often shouted down and interrupted, I am not ignorant. I write about it that others might learn about my experiences and make their own minds up about the value of what it is I have to say. Writing gives me a chance to communicate without being interrupted, shouted down and prevented from communicating effectively. 

This is what I have to say. 

Walk On By

Female psychology. 

Walking the dog a hot redhead walked past me. Our eyes avoided each other momentarily and then our gaze caught. We both smiled. 

I watched that she looked at my shoes to find out how much money I have and how I live, looked at my crotch, looked back at my eyes, smirked and we did the walk-on-by. 

What I observed is the outline shape of her figure to find out how healthy she is, her hair although it looks amazing and came out of a bottle, she has exactly the style of eyeliner that turns me on more than any other. Most importantly, her eyes.  Her eyes have a bisexual softness and smouldering of a quiet inner flame. They say she’s mischievous but not criminal. The confidence in how she was walks reveals she’s got a small support network with a range of people of all ages. She carried a strap bag in her hands which means she’s not used to walking long distances and has primarily adapted to town life. 

In this assessment I know who she is. 

When encountering anybody new, from that moment on any further interactions or information about a person is not who they are but rather who we are together. Who we present ourselves to be to the other person to give the other person whatever kind of energy to work with. Inevitably that involves games of confusions despite the human need for authenticity and the desire for authenticity by those who are not exploitive of other people. 

Decision Centres

If/As/When you are torn between your Head and your Heart, remember this:

Your Heart is your soul. It is the centre of being. It beats to many rhythms. The breathe controls this by stabilising and harmonising it. 

Your mind is a combination of at best a calculator but more often an ego carrying a bag of a dysfunctional operating system which has maladapted to conform-reject to a corrupt society and all the trauma you experienced from other people in the same situation. 

Whatever your head is telling you; if it will not shut up and go silent when you ask it to, it is not working in your favour so ignore it. 

More importantly than either your heart or your head as a decision-maker is your intuition. Intuition is a real thing, intuition is a super-power, intuition is your direct connection to the divine, you are probably disconnected from your intuition because the same reason as you cannot trust the mind. Intuition connects us with the cosmic harmony. The flex of the intuition is the solar-plexus, our radiance. 

There is also the base chakra, the seat of passion. The ‘anger and sexuality toggle-switch’, or the oggle-itch or soggle-twitch or the nanny-ogg-witch, as my mentor often described it.

These are the four motivation centres of humanity, in most basic terms. 

When they are aligned, great! 

When they are not aligned, we are often encouraged to work top-down from the mind by people controlling our operating systems. Don’t do that. 

Go instead from Harmony, the centre of balance which is the Intuition and the Heart; the Divine and the Soul. 

If its that you are distracted by the need for healing of the bodies needs, that is why we are from the bottom-up made of a genitals on a pair of legs. It’s the intuition and Heart naturally show us which direction to walk toward to satisfy that. The problem of exploitation happens when we start using the Mind to do the decision-making or worse, other peoples Minds. 

Priests and Priestesses of the Life Culture have been teaching this for many thousands of generations all over the globe. 

marriage/reject/tension

I am experiencing this like a computer coder. 

I need to know which variable it is. 

If is she thinking about me obsessively. State 1. Married. 

If she’s has totally moved on and rejects the very idea of me. State 2. Rejection. 

Or if she is flickering between those two states. State 3. Tension. 

Contemplating this has given me a lot of insight. 

I am in state three most of the time at the moment. That is how I know I am not in state two (rejection).

Society is advising (and “society is not your friend” Terence McKenna) we are broken unless in state two (rejection), but secretly prefers us to be in state 3 (tension). Because we are easier to exploit (usury) when we are in state 3 (tension). 

Where lovers want to be is state 1 (married). 

State 3 is tension. Society wants us to be tense because it can exploit that. 

When individuals have pair-bonded to multiple individuals, it creates state 3 at any of those individuals. 

We move on to the next instead of healing issues with the ex. This is because we cannot overcome internal trauma-based behaviour which are the cause of conflict. Then we repeat the same pattern because we have not healed the internal trauma-based mindset and survival-mode emotional habits. 

For any individual to supersede all state 3 multi-bonds to become exclusively state 1 requires from both parties a skill set, a mental perception and an emotional dynamic which most people have not learned or accessed. It often requires a lot of experience and shadow-work. 

From where do we acquire that so as to be able to heal, thrive, behave more functional and compassionately? 

It is an age of Aquarius awareness of ‘responsibility to self and others’. 

What has happened as a cultural stage of progress toward developing this mindset, at this time in our civilisations history, has largely developed in open-relationship dynamics. 

The knowledge-base for the dynamic (including essentially for our context the emotional mental coping mechanisms) is found the BDSM sub-culture called ‘bull vixen stag’ also called hot-wifing, a title which has a gender bias because the same applies to hot-husbands. 

It is an entirely different paradigm than the control and repression based Age of Pisces where ‘an affair is grounds for divorce’ and any excuse to punish self and others by segregation. It is not forgiveness based. Therefore it has not accepted forgiveness as a healing tool to detach from dysfunctional attitudes and cultures spawned by them. 

I am not endorsing open relationshops. I am exploring a perception required to survice and thrive mentally and emotionally in the existing and emerging culture of relationships. 

It’s dirty. 

It’s necessarily dirty. 

Any new partner has had multiple pair-bonding emotionally and has been promiscuous. Serial-monogamy is a form of promiscuity. It becomes habitual. It is now commonplace. A culture has emerged based on expecting that. It endorses narcissistic behavioural cycles. It is usury. 

The desire to pair-bond exclusively with only one individual requires deprogramming of all that as much as it requires acquiring new mindset and skills. Working together to overcome difficulties, tension, conflict. 

Stage one (married) requires a discipline. That is what marriage is. It is always putting the partner and self first. That is trust. Those to whom this sounds a bad idea are not capable of stage one and usually will exist in stage three with only occasional flashes of stage one followed by stage two, which increase people toward stage three as a permanent state. 

A stage three person cannot securely pair-bond unless both parties are willing to start over and always start over together regardless of whenever the relationship inevitably goes wonky as all relationships occasionally do. 

Society creates stage three people by persuading them to be stage two people. There are times where stage two (reject) is necessary, where abuse (usury) is involved which cannot be overcome and healed. 

A major necessity to maintain stage one (marriage) is avoiding those of society who encourage us to function according to societies ways, which are usury, designed to create stage two and three experiences instead of stage one experiences.