marriage/reject/tension

I am experiencing this like a computer coder. 

I need to know which variable it is. 

If is she thinking about me obsessively. State 1. Married. 

If she’s has totally moved on and rejects the very idea of me. State 2. Rejection. 

Or if she is flickering between those two states. State 3. Tension. 

Contemplating this has given me a lot of insight. 

I am in state three most of the time at the moment. That is how I know I am not in state two (rejection).

Society is advising (and “society is not your friend” Terence McKenna) we are broken unless in state two (rejection), but secretly prefers us to be in state 3 (tension). Because we are easier to exploit (usury) when we are in state 3 (tension). 

Where lovers want to be is state 1 (married). 

State 3 is tension. Society wants us to be tense because it can exploit that. 

When individuals have pair-bonded to multiple individuals, it creates state 3 at any of those individuals. 

We move on to the next instead of healing issues with the ex. This is because we cannot overcome internal trauma-based behaviour which are the cause of conflict. Then we repeat the same pattern because we have not healed the internal trauma-based mindset and survival-mode emotional habits. 

For any individual to supersede all state 3 multi-bonds to become exclusively state 1 requires from both parties a skill set, a mental perception and an emotional dynamic which most people have not learned or accessed. It often requires a lot of experience and shadow-work. 

From where do we acquire that so as to be able to heal, thrive, behave more functional and compassionately? 

It is an age of Aquarius awareness of ‘responsibility to self and others’. 

What has happened as a cultural stage of progress toward developing this mindset, at this time in our civilisations history, has largely developed in open-relationship dynamics. 

The knowledge-base for the dynamic (including essentially for our context the emotional mental coping mechanisms) is found the BDSM sub-culture called ‘bull vixen stag’ also called hot-wifing, a title which has a gender bias because the same applies to hot-husbands. 

It is an entirely different paradigm than the control and repression based Age of Pisces where ‘an affair is grounds for divorce’ and any excuse to punish self and others by segregation. It is not forgiveness based. Therefore it has not accepted forgiveness as a healing tool to detach from dysfunctional attitudes and cultures spawned by them. 

I am not endorsing open relationshops. I am exploring a perception required to survice and thrive mentally and emotionally in the existing and emerging culture of relationships. 

It’s dirty. 

It’s necessarily dirty. 

Any new partner has had multiple pair-bonding emotionally and has been promiscuous. Serial-monogamy is a form of promiscuity. It becomes habitual. It is now commonplace. A culture has emerged based on expecting that. It endorses narcissistic behavioural cycles. It is usury. 

The desire to pair-bond exclusively with only one individual requires deprogramming of all that as much as it requires acquiring new mindset and skills. Working together to overcome difficulties, tension, conflict. 

Stage one (married) requires a discipline. That is what marriage is. It is always putting the partner and self first. That is trust. Those to whom this sounds a bad idea are not capable of stage one and usually will exist in stage three with only occasional flashes of stage one followed by stage two, which increase people toward stage three as a permanent state. 

A stage three person cannot securely pair-bond unless both parties are willing to start over and always start over together regardless of whenever the relationship inevitably goes wonky as all relationships occasionally do. 

Society creates stage three people by persuading them to be stage two people. There are times where stage two (reject) is necessary, where abuse (usury) is involved which cannot be overcome and healed. 

A major necessity to maintain stage one (marriage) is avoiding those of society who encourage us to function according to societies ways, which are usury, designed to create stage two and three experiences instead of stage one experiences.