Sandra’s Dad

Merry Fucking Christmas Bastard

Today I met Sandra’s dad in the Butchers.

“You’re that bloke who used to cause a load of trouble in the Oak”

“I’ve been in there once in my life back when Sarah’s parents owned it.”

“You used to cause trouble but we sorted it all out now.” 

“No I didn’t.“

“I think I’ve mistaken you for the wrong person. It’s my eye, I have an eye for trouble.”

“I can see that.”

“My daughter told me about you.”

“Who is your daughter?”

“I’m Sandra’s dad. She used to hang out with that goth girl.”

“That explains everything. That goth girl is my sons mother. Sandra said to me ‘I don’t know you and I don’t like you’ so I asked her why doesn’t like me if she doesn’t know me. Whatever she’s judging me by exists only in her mind. It has nothing to do with me.” 

“I don’t want to get involved.”

“Why’d you mention it?” 

“You used to cause trouble in the Oak but we sorted it out a long time ago. My daughter told me”

The locals around here are mainstream idiots. That’s why I don’t socialise in the local pub. I don’t drink alcohol anyway. 

Butcher: “How can I help you?” 

Sandra’s Dad: “Merry Christmas to you.” 

Me: “That liar accused me of causing trouble in a pub I’ve been in once in my life ten years ago.” 

Butcher: “He’s a regular. Does your son want a lollipop?” 

“ Now I know where Sandra gets it from.”

This is why I never go out much. It’s not because I am antisocial. It’s because the free-roaming sociopaths who troll the local shops. 

NB Sarah and Sandra are not the same person. 

That is not a typo.