On Marriage

 

“Marriage is the world between two people to the exclusion of all others.” 

A registry office in South Wales. 

I find this beautiful. 

I also recognise it is talking about when the marriage (the world between two people) is compromised in favour of not excluding others, that is not marriage. Indeed that is how to destroy a marriage. 

Marriage and Compromise. 

Her family are her parents, siblings and children. In addition to this she has the bolt-on extra of a husband to support her and her children emotionally, mentally, financially and sexually. 

The husband stands to be criticised for failing to support her and her children with this. 

To her modern approach to marriage, that is how things should be. Those are the criteria by which he must keep her happy and to do his bit to uphold the marriage. 

The husband expresses this is not the criteria of the traditional marriage she previously expressed a desire for. 

He achieves his responsibilities to some usually adequate level, setting aside the freedom and stability he enjoyed while living as a single bachelor. 

The couple appear to be living in domestic bliss, working out small problems by discussing any which arise with open hearts because they love each other. 

Until her parents or one of her siblings or her friends of whichever gender click their fingers and demand her to temporarily set her marriage aside do things for them and to do it their way, instead of  respecting and maintaining the happy compromise she has with her husband. 

There is no discussion with the husband about this. Immediately she drops all that and submits to her family or friends supremacy. 

Her husband is expected to accept his place in the pecking order. Her family and friends consider him although supportive, ultimately a disposable distraction for her. 

He is unhappy with that dynamic. He expresses “our marriage is supposed to be the world between us to the exclusion of all others.” He asks why she is allowing other people to control their marriage? 

She and her family and friends express that he is exhibiting controlling behaviour which reveals he has deep rooted insecurity issues which is a red flag in a marriage. Therefore he is a terrible husband which justifies to them why they are righteous to disregard him and the marriage as nothing more than a disposable distraction. 

The friends and family understand their attitude is proof that they are supporting her. They attempt to persuade her to get a divorce from such an awful man as the one she chose to share the rest of her life with in equal partnership, a premise which she then betrayed. 

He feels exploited. 

They divorce. 

He failed to dominate her successfully to set aside her family and friends in favour of supporting their marriage. 

Men who have what it takes to dominate her successfully to set aside her family and friends in favour of supporting their marriage are described by family and friends and the wider society as abusive controlling men. 

Either he is a weak insecure man or he is an abusive and controlling man. There is no middle ground. He has to choose which path and which derogatory label he will be branded with. 

Either he must fight the world to keep her, in which case he does not deserve her, or he lets her go in which case he does not deserve her. 

All of that is to boost her ego and to encourage her toward narcissistic behaviour. She achieves more reward from the collective of friends, family, general society and strangers on the internet, than she ever could from one man alone. 

After all, he has proved he is either not safe or not able, to provide for her children. Which leaves his use to her being only his financial and sexual support. What it comes down to is she wants him for his wallet and his penis. 

Everything else is disposable to her. She knows she will be supported by friends, family and community just as soon as she makes the decision to dispose of him and divorce. 

Post-Modern Men ask; What is in it for men, to get married? 

“Modern Marriage is the world between two people to the exclusion of all others.” is a manipulation. 

What does ‘marriage’ mean anyway? Why do we use this prehistoric word from the ancient east even today in the modern west? 

It translates as ‘the world created by the energy between us’. 

The reminder that for a traditional marriage, ‘excluding all others is necessary for a successful marriage to continue’ means acting on that principle by trusting your partner before your friends, family, the general society and strangers on the internet. 

If you are in a relationship which is some form of marriage, you will be and probably have already been tested about this. 

If you’re not, enjoy your freedom.