Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

Saturday, 22 October 2022

CPBT






Somebody posted a slideshow which caught my attention 

to a Narcissism Recovery group on Instagram. 


I have copied it here. 


The pale yellow squares containing questions. 








This is practically the same check-list my ex had me go through with her. 


I’ve literally done this test and answered these questions. 


Here’s what I said:








1 I like you enough to want to make sure you’re okay. 

   Love is a huge topic we can dedicate our lives to exploring together in a best possible outcome scenario. 



2 Yes, I enjoy looking at you. 

   Would you have it any other way? 

   Do you ask because you want me to suggest changes?

   For example I prefer no make-up to make-up.  







3 We can grow together if we make the effort, 

   it involves changing in ways we trust each other to guide us 

   to become whatever each other require of each other.  

   Which is all about communication. 



4 Trust is built over time through shared experiences. 

   So, let’s share some more experiences. 

   Trusting our intuition is our direct connection to the divine. 

   My intuition tells me to gently lower my natural defensive boundaries over time 

   as we develop our trust for each other together. 

   I’m happy and willing to do that. 







5 I am only yours as much as you are only mine. 

   We both have children by other people.

   Our children but not the other parent should be our priority.  

   We’re in this together and it should not be a slavery for either of us, 

   even if we play with sub-Dom dynamics which inevitably appear in any relationship, 

   the foundation of that is equality of belonging with each other. 



6 I hope neither of us will cheat on the other. 

   We’re both as likely to be faced with temptations to test us. 

   Would it destroy what we have built if one of us did cheat? 

   Or are we strong enough to laugh about it and carry on positively with love? 

   I don’t want to cheat on you, if that’s what you mean by asking. 

   I certainly don’t plan to. 







7 No one person can satisfy 100% of the needs of another person. 

   It’s realistic to be realistic about it. 

   We are in this together and learning from each other. 

   Nobody is perfect all the time and that’s an impossible expectation to hold someone to. 

   Because we’re humans. 

   A normal relationship need for anyone is to support and be supported by loved ones, 

   by trying to understand what they’re going through and work to uplift them if necessary. 

   Is it likely to get so severe it’s more than we can handle? 



The answer is that it did. She is professionally diagnosed with histrionic narcissism after her ex before me had her checked out regarded endangerment to her child and other people. I can verify the accuracy of the diagnosis despite my not wanting to believe it for a long time before her mask slipped. When I confronted her about it she ripped it off completely and never made any pretence again. Hashtag Hostility. 


Which illustrates the sort of person who does ask their partner these sorts of questions on a second date over a bottle of wine which is her thing. 


She asked these questions as a 'getting to know each other session' under the guise of "building some strong relationship bonds with hope to a happy future together" (her words). 



8 Eligible for me?  

   If we fulfil each other’s relationship needs we will be eligible.

   It seems a strange way to express that although it’s direct and focussed. 

   Are you sure it’s the right word? 

   It invokes a lot of nuances. 

   What are the criteria for eligibility? 

   I’ll tell you yours if you tell me mine. 

   People pair up and bond for mutual emotional, mental and physical support. 












Wednesday, 23 September 2020

Black Label Red



BLACK LABEL RED

A short story about modern dating.

c2020 Ordo Octopia


1.  Rise and Fall


With hindsight what he learned about her from the experience of meeting with her three times is an important lesson. 


The principal she works on in practice is tell men whatever they need to hear to get them into bed and then dispose of them through whatever means necessary no matter how unscrupulous and underhand she must be to do that.


Her problem was she was not expecting to encounter somebody gentlemanly who treated her with respect.


Two days before the previously arranged dinner date which would have been their first official date after an initial meeting, she texted him.


“I’m drunk, at a friends place, it’s their party but I want to go home. Can you pick me up?”


Of course he said yes.


To say no would’ve put him in bad light and she probably would’ve cancelled the dinner date which they were both excited to go on.


He collected her from the street her friend lived on and drove her several miles home late at night and she was indeed drunk. Drunk enough to turn the friendly hug into a kiss of the sort which says fuck me now. 


She literally said the words “You can do anything you want with me.“

He untangled before he became any further entangled. “I intend to treat you with respect. I will not take advantage of a lady while she is drunk, especially as we do not know each other very well yet.”


She kissed him again more intensely. He was tempted to go back on what he had announced. He pulled his mouth away from hers and hugged her. “I should go home.” It happened again and he did the same thing again.


Sobering up enough to realise she was not going to get laid immediately she said “You should go home. I’m sending you home.” 


They hugged in the doorway and kissed again. He went home. 


During the dinner date there was no mention of her hot passionate attempt to fuck him. They talked about mutual interests. They ate. She drank another bottle of red wine. 


They went back to her place and she explained that when she had said she was divorced, what she meant was she is not yet divorced and technically she is still married despite living in her own place and having her kids half of the time. 


He laughed, having been true to his intuition that there was something more going on than she had led him to believe. 


He forgave her because he is humanitarian and cares for her, adaptable to her situation. Desperation had driven her to bend the truth a little. It was a test of his dedication to her. 


He also recognised the wisdom inherent in the creed of gentlemanliness. He had not helped her to commit adultery which would possibly have affected any divorce proceedings. 


They arranged to meet again. They hugged but didn’t kiss. He went home. 


She messaged him “I’m going back to my husband for the weekend, for my kids, sorry to cancel our next date.”


He replied: “For an easier life, you should delete our phone texts.” He had visions of her husband reading her phone log and bringing the issue to court regarding any future divorce and child custody. She did not reply. 


The following Monday night he messaged her. “How was the weekend? Stressful or a blissful reunion?” 


She immediately picked up and replied: “Blissful reunion?”


He felt he should explain. “When I wrote that, I was being protective. I did not know where your mind was at. I did not want you to get in any trouble with your husband.”


She ranted.


He contemplated what would have happened had they fucked that night while she was drunk. Would it make him any less disposable? Now he had seen another side to her character, how spiteful and abusive she can be. 


He felt he was getting to know her better, which is what he wanted to see before making a decision to put his dick in her or not. Knowing what he’s getting caught up in. The honour between people respective of this, the respect between people honouring it, is a signifier of how one conducts ones affairs in life in general. 


She told him never to bother her again. 


He contemplated if they had fucked already, she would likely have used it as leverage, alleging he had manipulated her into sleeping with him while she was drunk, using that as evidence he is abusive to women. 


He regarded the narrow escape he has had by being self-disciplined although it had cost him a fuck and a friendship. 


People who are worth fucking and being friends with do not behave the way she had behaved toward him, self-centred and manipulative, angry and controlled by her base emotions of lust and aggression. 


He cut his losses, drowning any emotional entanglement in the bottle of her favourite wine which he had bought to share with her next time they were alone together. 



2. Domestic Abuse 



“So you’re saying she lied.” WPC asks.


“Yes.” He says. 


“They’re both lying.” Says WPC to PC in front of the suspect. 


“I’m not lying!” Says the suspect. “I told you exactly what happened.”


“Truth is subjective in these cases.” Explains the PC. “If you make any more comments which disagree with our methods and interfere with our work we note that to have a problem with authority.” 


“Its called mouthing off. We don’t like it.” Says WPC. 


The suspect sits back in the interview room seat, aware the police are so confident in their abusive behaviour toward him despite the interview being recorded to tape, is because they know they will get away with it.


“You arrested me and I’m working with you to give a statement of what happened. I’ve told the truth. She is angry with me and has lied to you to cause me problems, probably because she’s not entirely sane. A sane person would not lie to the police to cause problems for a guy she was dating.”


“She says you intimidated her on the telephone.”


“Check the phone logs. Neither of us called the other. We spoke by text only which proves she is playing mind games and angry. That’s quite clearly the case.” 


“We haven’t got much to go on.” 


“Is it possible I can counter-sue her for making false allegations against me? After the harassment of being wrongfully arrested?”


“It doesn’t work that way. We won’t back it.” Says WPC. 


“It’s possible she is telling the truth. You should be feeling lucky there is insufficient evidence to press charges against you. You’re the suspect here.”


“That would be a different case.” PC adds. 


“I would like to report a case of harassment against me and manipulation of the police I believe that is called perversion of justice.”


“We cannot take that statement as a part of this interview. My colleague has already explained to you it would be a different case.”


“Would you arrest her and interview her about it?”


“This is tit-for-tat. It’s a waste of our time. You would clearly be making a report as a spiteful act of vengeance against her. She is already upset by your actions. You would not get very far with it.”


“Despite there actually being evidence to support my case?” 


“Ending interview at 13.49.” WPC clicks the tape off. “You fucking prick.” She says. 


Both the police officers leave the interview room. Suspect counts to one hundred and thirty. PC opens the door. “You’re free to go.”


“I live fifteen miles from here, it’s a train ride away, I have no money with me, I will have to walk and it is raining. Can you arrange me a lift as close to my home as possible?”


“We are under no obligation to provide for you transport. Be thankful we are not putting you back in a cell.”


“I was in there for three hours.”


“We have been very busy today.” 


“The other cells are all empty, they have been empty since I got here.”


“Problem with authorities.” 


“That’s what you call it?”


“I advise you to stay away from the woman and not contact her again.”


“I intend to avoid her like the plague officer.” 


“Good. Goodbye.”



3. Narcissism Exposed


Two items are linked below for direct comparison. 


Item A - email received from support group



Item B - extract from text message dialogue









Friday, 23 November 2018

Shame/Narcissism/Feminism/Healing


Echo and Narcissus, John William Waterhouse, 1903,
commonly used illustration of how projected grids affect working context to the delusion and disillusionment of involved parties





Disclaimer: For the purposes of this text, specific gender pronouns are used. While it is equally accurate the other way around it is vastly more common in the community to encounter it the way specified here. This use of gender bias is done purposefully, it should become apparent by the end of the text why it is necessary in this context. This said; a core principle of the outline concept is that in most cases, 'it works two ways'. 



Shame/Narcissism/Feminism/Healing


The shame and guilt reflex. 
Trauma becomes behavioral patterns.
She needs to hear somebody say, I am sorry. 
And for her to believe it, to accept it. 

Until then, every relationship she has which can possibly be exploited into the shape required, for the partner to apologize to her. She has transferred the need. It is no longer the original person who needs to apologize for that to her, it is whoever is providing her supply/support. 

The trauma possibly originated in childhood from a parent or a caregiver, or from a significant other eg; spouse. In any case, it is the breaking of trust which is resulted in trauma and developed into personality disorder. 

A significant portion of the population carry versions of this around. People on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum as a result of trauma, need their partner to apologize to them. So therefore they bully and belittle significant other until that person conforms and plays at the role for their healing. Whether the person has consented to this game or not, it is the closest possible in liminal terms because they are a supply, supportive of the person. 

It does inflict injury on the partner by the process of cajoling and positioning him into a situation where he feels apologetic. This subtle form of abuse is called recontextualisation and usually developed in stages but can occur in one fabricated situation in which the narcissist is moving the goalposts. 

What happens next, as the shame and the consequence, the pattern which is grown from the shame, is projected outwards instead of being faced up to, is it becomes toxic. This is the narcissist internal mechanism, it then becomes the context clouding the relationship. For the narcissist is the purpose of the relationship which is being used as leverage so that they do not have to face the same reflex but can still maneuver around it. That partner is the fall-guy being manipulated for that purpose. In most cases, neither of the partners are aware of it and in many cases because there is so much trauma in the community, both partners are playing at various levels of this. 

For relationship counseling; identifying personal shame and trusting your partner to work through those processes with you, should be something which occurs early on in the relationship preferably before engaging in sex because that further complicates matters although trust relationships being what they are… Are preferable than disposable sex partners. We will need sex that’s a given. It’s only a problem when games are played using sex as leverage.

What happens next is the relationship between the person needing to hear sorry and inflicting that position onto their partner, both fall within roles which are very easily misinterpreted. Smokescreens and distractions veil the underlaying energy structures. 

The partner feels targeted and put out, and recognizes this, is in a confusion of withdrawal for self-preservation with being exploited by routine behavior to respond to the narcissists reward/control system. It is much more complicated and confusing when sex is involved because then it functions on every level of our being and the entanglement is a much more complicated entity to untangle.

The narcissist on the other hand is not receiving the full support and supply required and which they are used to, decides their partner who is not reacting by apologizing, is useless and a waste of the time. 

From both directions, resentment grows. 

One of them decides to leave first, creating a vacuum space of misperception which cannot be healed by communication because there is none, hurt feelings and uncomfortable environment. Usually it is the provider who is the more badly damaged, who chases after the narcissist because, As a result of their independence and self esteem having been ground down completely, the relationship has become a reference on which the victims well-being also balances. 

The narcissist uses this, because after having emotionally ended the relationship, all the effort is coming from the target, trying to fix things while feeling apologetic regardless that they were the provider. 

The police see that chase as being the target is the troublemaker. Empathic Psychologists see that as the target is having a breakdown because of what the narcissist has done to them. Most of the time, relationship breakdowns involve low-level narcissism from both sides. That’s actually quite normal because we’re dealing with humans and not robots.

This situation is exploited by the narcissist who created and projects it, only to exploit it. The narcissist can identify the target as being the abuser, for not supporting them fully in the way they need it, and for harassing them after they cut their losses. 

The narcissists support/supply network encourage the narcissist to avoid the victim who in their collective network is a bad person who must be avoided and punished if possible, for the injury they have caused to the narcissist. 

The source of this injury is her unwillingness to face a shame and he’s not recognizing his role in replaying her past trauma to heal it and the drama which has resulted from it. She does not want to heal it, she does not want to face that and so she involves her intimate partners in the circle around it, creating a black hole into which the part of falls, so that she can label that person as the bad guy to seek her revenge on the original trauma while at the same time not having to face it.

She will repeat the pattern in every relationship she has until somebody says sorry. 

At which point, if she accepts it she will feel superior and healing process can begin. 

Narcissism includes domination, superiority complex, grandiosity and aspiration; a specific social position which she wants to achieve. If it’s not achieved she feels a failure all her miserable life, once she has achieved it she will use that authority to maximize the size of her supply/support network. 

The Societies infrastructural systems support the narcissists ability to achieve such position of authority within it. A mental belief that anybody who does not respect its structure system is a threat to the society, is the reinforcement of the righteousness of narcissistic control. 

Those who can see the whole for what it is, correctly identifies the situation and the necessary steps towards healing the people involved; both the victim of the narcissist and the narcissist who is claiming to be the victim of her victim. In both cases, apologies are needed and needed to be accepted as authentic rather than lines spoken by actors for the sake of convenience. Narcissist rely on face value fakery, they are believable lawyers and expert actors.

Identifying a persons relationship with their own sense of insecurity, inferiority, shame and guilt, is essential for the counselor. The counselor must himself dedicate an unusually large amount of time to analyzing and identifying those factors about himself so as to be able to accurately do so for other people. 

Traditionally we use the word ‘shaman’ for one who does this. Shame-man. The word also means shah as in noble and relates to chi as in energy. In the west the Society refuses to acknowledge shaman to be a real thing. Shaman are counselors and community healers, reminding everybody always to live in balance, to respect the harmony. The society does however except the role of a professional counselor, one who understands psychology and emotional psychology, who fulfills the role within the society of healing trauma.

The cycle is: those abused by narcissist develop narcissistic tendencies which are then exploited by the narcissists. Narcissism is a reflex personality, growing from a traumatic experience. There are covert and overt narcissists. When it replaces a persons authentic and original personality it becomes a social problem for the community. There are varying levels of narcissism, and there are many energy exploitation strategies although they do typically conform to only a handful of types. 

As always, projection of an analysis on to the situation for the purpose of path-working and healing, must integrate that there may be other invisible factors or other systems of analysis which are more accurate to individual cases. 

Despite being the best tool we have, ‘the versus narcissism technique’ context based on identifying shame-reflex, is limited; it involves extremism and fundamentalism, left-brain thinking which narcissists epitomize as reptilian calculus and which are useful in making sense of the world for people who have been emotionally and mentally destabilized by involvement with narcissists. 

Remember, the narcissists favorite trick is to go public about how their victim has been narcissistically abusing them, as soon as the victim recognizes that they are being victimized. The narcissist will become aware their victim is waking up to them even before the victim does. They are usually gone and involving themselves in support groups, blackening the victims name, even before the victim in the mess of a breakdown fully realizes what has just happened to them.


“She needs to hear somebody say, I am sorry. And for her to believe it to accept it.”

This can be very difficult for narcissist who primarily does not want to confront their own shame, to the extent of deleting it entirely from their being. They have invested a lot of time in the personality and behavioral routines which have emerged as a result of not facing that shame. The amount of emotion and empathic ability a narcissist deletes is what places them where they are on the spectrum. 

Narcissists have problem with authenticity. Narcissists reject, resent, hate, and persecute, genuine authenticity, wholesomeness, the integrity to do the right thing. They are experts at the face value act of “being seen to be doing the right thing” for their own public image and supply-reward system. The difficulty in helping an assist through the healing process is that they will not accept authenticity because they do not/cannot resonate with it at all. 

Therefore, were a person who abused the narcissist as a child, to step into the room and say “I am so sorry for what I did, and I mean it”; the narcissist would not accept that as a reality. 

The structure of their being relies on multiple supply/support , a structure of orientation which dissolves as soon as they accept “I’m sorry”.  For them to be able to progress is normal people, they need to hear those words from somebody who they can accept it from, which is unlikely to be the original abuser.

Another major factor under recognition is narcissists have a heightened sense of expectancy, so what they perceive to be an abuse toward them is in many cases, the failing of the world in general to meet their higher than reasonable expectancy. 

That “daddy did not buy her a pony for Christmas” has triggered her lifelong antisocial behavior personality, is interpreted by her as being an abuse because she cannot accept with the child’s mind which narcissists operate from regardless of actual age. Instead it is interpreted as willful and malignant nastiness inflicted upon her by somebody who was supposed to support her but let her down; this becomes the model for the concept of ‘love’ which she will repeat in various forms with every relationship she has. 

She will only level out and stabilize in her behavior when she has to maintain public image in the eyes of society, usually only when she has achieved that superiority status of her world being put to right, that she feels settled now. For her to be able to attain that, she needs to persecute somebody is who she has dehumanized not only in her own mind but in the community around them. 

Narcissist require victims and they will invent them to achieve their goal. Others recognize that goal as grandiosity, superiority, dehumanization of others, while those who believe the paradigm created by the narcissist, along with a narcissist who projects it, recognize it to be accepted and normal. 

It is normal that everybody should have a pony for Christmas, everybody has a pony for Christmas, there is something wrong with people who don’t. The narcissist is clever. It is not actually a pony for Christmas which is the topic here, they call it the feeling of safety and that target who was woken up to them, they call a threat. 

Thus, when the narcissist leaves a relationship in which they have exploited behind closed doors that partner, the narcissist says that the person is a danger and has abused her. 

On her say-so, her victim is prosecuted for domestic abuse and gains a bad reputation by her supply network, which is an extended abuse network who do not even know him, simply to satisfy her need to appear to be a normal person in the community. What she has achieved by this is to maximize her yield of support/supply. She can get more energy from 10 or 20 people looking after her occasionally, then she can get from one person who has exclusively dedicated himself to that. 

For many men entering into relationships, this is the situation they are facing. Men are sacrificed to this cause all the time in the name of feminism. It is why the phrase ‘feminism is cancer’ has been coined by those who are aware of what is happening to our communities. 

The “Internet cult of narcissism” is 5th Wave feminism using social media to indoctrinate the general female culture with a blueprint strategy of divide-and-control. 

Female supremacy is domestic terrorism. It recruits vulnerable members of society to become its agents. It recruits female narcissist to become its agents. It blurs the line between those two agencies.

The role of men in the community is not to reinforce the ‘divide and control’ by avoiding all females, which is the MGTOW rhetoric. Historically, men are designed to physically, emotionally and mentally to be protectors. 

At this time in history, men’s best way of protecting everybody is to identify the enemy is an extremist philosophy which is brainwashing women against men. 

Somehow, men have got to get women to see that is what’s happening and for women to decide that in a world out of balance, the only way any of us can attain balance is by working together for the harmony, doing so knowledgeably. That genders are not ‘opposite’ but in fact are ‘complementary’. We are physically, mentally, emotionally designed for union and when we do so, divine pleasure results. 

The man is not trying to abuse her by deconditioning her away from a cult which is designed to destroy relationships and communities. He’s trying to protect her from it and from her own destructive, negative tendencies. 

If feminism was worthy of being accepted, it would be teaching women how better to get on with men; not how to exploit and punish them for not being women. 

For women to learn how better to get on with men, open communication with men who are of their own mind is preferable than projecting strawman arguments at them. 



Thursday, 22 November 2018

Male Domestic Abuse Survivor

Back in counseling, because the state she left me in after invading my life. A service which I am paying for because I need it ASAP and the free charity services relied on by the state have an eighteen month waiting list for men because women get “emergency” preferential treatment. 

It was not until I read this website;


did I recognize that I had been putting up with domestic abuse. In my recent relationship, in previous relationships and all through my life. 

I’d thought all that crap was normal; because I experienced it most of my life in most of my relationships including from my parents during childhood. I had thought there was something wrong with me because an unrecognized feeling of discomfort and wrongness about what is expected of me and relationship routines I had accepted because I thought that was normal.  

I only recognized it as actually being abusive when I saw it listed in bullet point, and identified that’s what I’ve been through. Repeatedly. 

Almost the entire social recognition of domestic abuse and certainly that recognized by the court system, is that men are unilaterally abusive and women are unilaterally victims. It just ain’t so! 

It’s a cultural thing, not just personal to me. That I am a communicator and have been through so much of it, it’s obvious I’m going to be talking about it. 

A lot of the time, the abusers do not even recognize what they’re doing is abusive and neither do the victims. It is being culturally reinforced that it is normality for her to abuse him in a variety of ways and get away with it, partly because everybody knows the program; “we live in a male dominated culture and women are vulnerable!” We are told this every week! Because it serves an agenda!

Nobody thought it was wrong to have Negro slaves at the time in history where that was normal and everyday for a lot of people. 

Nobody outside of Islam thinks it is wrong to use a usury based currency system because it’s so normal to us, despite once having understood how the financial system works, it creates a black hole of debt that gets bigger exponentially, devaluing everything requiring more lending and higher interest rates in an endless loop. 

How can women get away with domestic abuse so often? Here are three reasons; 

  1. Because nobody recognizes that’s what it is. 

  1. Nobody stands up against it. Why don’t men stand up against their abusive girlfriends and tell them to fuck off? Because men need sex and women apparently don’t, at least that’s how most of them act toward most men most of the time and men are damned if we openly discuss it and suggest that women do actually need recreational sex regularly too. Abusers use sex as leverage to exploit and control men, the pleasure they get is from that as much empowerment and control as it is physical. It is controlling behavior, it is abuse. 

  1. As soon as a victim of a narcissistic abuser recognize what is happening to them, the narcissist shouts and cries about how their victim is the abuser and they have been victimized. It is all about supply to them, except they call it support. As a result men are afraid to stand up against their abusers in case society punished them for it - which it ties, often involving police and legal system who unquestioningly protect the female and endorse her lies. 

This is what the mgtow movement (men going their own way) is about; recognizing the one thing of value which women have to men in modern times is sexual. It is also about the man recognizing his own worth.

Yet most of us desire to be in dedicated monogamous stable relationships. When people come together who can rise above all of that and maintain a level above all else, to enjoy mutual pleasure of each other without the accompanying bullshit. Without taking energy from a partner which is the black hole system of destruction all over again. 

It is about being respectable (deserving of being respected) by being respectable (in how we behave).