CPBT

Somebody posted a slideshow which caught my attention 

to a Narcissism Recovery group on Instagram. 

I have copied it here. 

The pale yellow squares containing questions. 

This is practically the same check-list my ex had me go through with her. 

I’ve literally done this test and answered these questions. 

Here’s what I said:

1 I like you enough to want to make sure you’re okay. 

   Love is a huge topic we can dedicate our lives to exploring together in a best possible outcome scenario. 

2 Yes, I enjoy looking at you. 

   Would you have it any other way? 

   Do you ask because you want me to suggest changes?

   For example I prefer no make-up to make-up.  

3 We can grow together if we make the effort, 

   it involves changing in ways we trust each other to guide us 

   to become whatever each other require of each other.  

   Which is all about communication. 

4 Trust is built over time through shared experiences. 

   So, let’s share some more experiences. 

   Trusting our intuition is our direct connection to the divine. 

   My intuition tells me to gently lower my natural defensive boundaries over time 

   as we develop our trust for each other together. 

   I’m happy and willing to do that. 

5 I am only yours as much as you are only mine. 

   We both have children by other people.

   Our children but not the other parent should be our priority.  

   We’re in this together and it should not be a slavery for either of us, 

   even if we play with sub-Dom dynamics which inevitably appear in any relationship, 

   the foundation of that is equality of belonging with each other. 

6 I hope neither of us will cheat on the other. 

   We’re both as likely to be faced with temptations to test us. 

   Would it destroy what we have built if one of us did cheat? 

   Or are we strong enough to laugh about it and carry on positively with love? 

   I don’t want to cheat on you, if that’s what you mean by asking. 

   I certainly don’t plan to. 

7 No one person can satisfy 100% of the needs of another person. 

   It’s realistic to be realistic about it. 

   We are in this together and learning from each other. 

   Nobody is perfect all the time and that’s an impossible expectation to hold someone to. 

   Because we’re humans. 

   A normal relationship need for anyone is to support and be supported by loved ones, 

   by trying to understand what they’re going through and work to uplift them if necessary. 

   Is it likely to get so severe it’s more than we can handle? 

The answer is that it did. She is professionally diagnosed with histrionic narcissism after her ex before me had her checked out regarded endangerment to her child and other people. I can verify the accuracy of the diagnosis despite my not wanting to believe it for a long time before her mask slipped. When I confronted her about it she ripped it off completely and never made any pretence again. Hashtag Hostility. 

Which illustrates the sort of person who does ask their partner these sorts of questions on a second date over a bottle of wine which is her thing. 

She asked these questions as a 'getting to know each other session' under the guise of "building some strong relationship bonds with hope to a happy future together" (her words). 

8 Eligible for me?  

   If we fulfil each other’s relationship needs we will be eligible.

   It seems a strange way to express that although it’s direct and focussed. 

   Are you sure it’s the right word? 

   It invokes a lot of nuances. 

   What are the criteria for eligibility? 

   I’ll tell you yours if you tell me mine. 

   People pair up and bond for mutual emotional, mental and physical support. 

StoneWall

STONEWALLING AND COMMUNITY

Preface

I write from the perception of a counsellor concerned with the impact social engineering employed to divide-and-control which creates an imbalance in society, resulting in the destruction of community, to provide leverage for further exploitation of individuals. If you are an individual this is directly relevant to you.


“Gray Rock” is a technique promoted by fifth-wave feminists * following third-wave principles.

third wave is anti-male, female supremacy strategies.

fourth wave feminism is a rejection of fem-dom and a focus on female related issues.

fifth wave is use of technological communication to manipulate society on a 1-1 and small group basis. This is precisely how cults work. It offers the manipulator a chance to interfere and retreat with no responsibility. It is an ideal situation for Narcissists to enjoy their methods for empowerment-by-control-and-destruction.

Popular within the contemporary communications technology community is the dynamic between Narcissist and Empath. A cultural terminology has emerged expressing our life situations in these terms and it is a method of indoctrination for the purpose of agenda based manipulation. This does not mean there are not cases where it is relevant and useful. It has also unveiled the scope by which manipulation is occurring throughout society to reprogram people to become less empathic and more narcissistic in their behaviour toward each other. Most especially this is aimed at encouraging females to resent males, playing on the foundation of gender based division.

Personally I believe that genders are complimentary, and phrases such as “battle of the sexes” encourage sexism and division. Communities thrive best where there is harmony, not division. The complimentary gender is 50% of the people on this planet. That is unlikely to change simply because of a personal prejudice and encouragement from hardline extremists using com-tech to brainwash a generation.

#GenderlessEquality is not the same thing at all as trans-gender.



Stonewalling And Community


Narcissistic Method

Stonewalling somebody without explaining to them why they are being stonewalled is a method used by narcissists to protect themselves against those who they perceive as narcissists. The result is the target (the one being stonewalled) does not know why the stonewaller is doing it, and assumes them either to be acting irrationally or to be manipulated into acting on misinformation as an attempt to socially isolate the target as a part of a victimisation campaign (Hate Crime by proxy).

Whatever affront the target did to the person doing the stonewalling, is going to be repeated endlessly until somebody points it out to them that a specific aspect of their behaviour was wrong. NB it is not the person, it is the behaviour - these are two distinct and different entities as is taught in childcare. All of us have a social duty and a duty to self to continually improve our behaviour with relation to other people. It helps vastly more when we are aware what behaviour is perceived as wrong, than it does when the target does not know at all.

A person who has been stonewalled with no concept of why, is going to be confused, offended and will not be able to work on improving themselves or recognizing where they might need to improve - if at all.

Anybody encouraging stonewalling with no explanation is actively divide-and-control, is attempting to control the one doing the stonewalling. An intelligent person (A) would question why person B is encouraging them to avoid person C and to put both person A and C into this position.

If you Stonewall somebody for no apparent reason - you are the sociopath.


Alternatively:


Empathic Method

Stonewalling somebody after explaining why they are being stonewalled is a method used by empaths concerned with improving the social conditions we all experience. It establishes a dynamic by which healing can develop and progress can be made within the community. The target can work on the problem because the target knows what the problem is. It also exposes where stonewalling is a reaction to misperception or as result of manipulation of the stonewaller by a third party.

If the target (the person being stonewalled) asks “Why am I being stonewalled” this immediately indicates that the target does not understand and cares enough to want to fix the situation.



StoneWall As Abuse Tactic

Stonewalling is an abusive technique. If you need time out from your relationship, you state that you need time out. If the partner ignores that then stonewalling may become necessary. Stonewalling is the abrupt and final end of a relationship.

To stonewall somebody for a perceived sleight without explaining the problem or for no serious reason at all is the methodology of a narcissist who has decided to drop one of their sources of energy (“supply”). There is only one reason a narcissist would do this; self protection, to avoid exposure. Discredition of the threat is a standard reaction. "I had to stonewall him/her poor me!" solicits sympathy by way of securing new supply. 

A full exploration of how humans use each other as sources of energy can be found in The Games People Play by Dr Eric Berne. Make it the next book you read. It is easy to understand the principles and strategies which develop for purpose of energy supply. It is as relevant today as ever, although the use of modern communications technologies has given us a different arena and the emergence of different strategies (see fifth-wave feminism).



My Experience of StoneWall

I have both stonewalled people and been stonewalled by them. The Block function on facebook is stonewalling. It is useful to avoid any unwanted attention from abusers. People who I have been stonewalled by, who later explained their justification for doing so fall into three categories:

- genuinely had a good reason (fortunately I have had very few of these if any)
- was/is playing control games which I have challenged/exposed, so has stonewalled me as attempt to cover it up (including labelling me as an abuser to justify their own abusive actions)
- was manipulated by a third party who sought to disable their support network of which I was included by persuading them I was a threat.


When you weigh up these three reasons, these are the questions you need to ask when stonewalling a person. Why am I stonewalling this person? And; Is the right thing to do for myself, the target and society at large, to explain to the person why they are being stonewalled?


PostScript

A genuine healer heals the whole, holistically, rather than isolating components. You only cut out a cancer if it is definitely identified as a cancer and not a support. Most people are in real life situations which involve elements of both - we are beyond Disney Princess Syndrome which is a meme used for leverage. This is symptomatic of the society we live in as much as it is symptomatic of the cPTSD so many of us have as a result of trauma from the society we live in.

The Positivist Agenda is to create no more trauma and to heal that we have suffered, for the benefit of individual and community. Society is your enemy, Community is your friend. Community is holistic and non-exclusive. When it becomes so, it is no longer community, it is a sub-culture of Society. This is the only rational Humanistic approach we can take toward healing ourselves and others without harbouring fear and hatred toward specific individuals. We all know that fear and hatred are toxic.

Q. Who gains from fear and hatred?
A. Those who exploit others for personal gain.

See also:

Energy Games

AuthorityAbuse
BitchPack