Saturday, 16 March 2013

On Ignoring Assertion

I would like to talk about my experiences with the use of the word “I”.
There are two sources I will draw upon for comparative purposes.

The first of these is from a governmental course for parents taught throughout Family Centers cross the UK for which the workbook is fully entitled;

Being Assertive
Ways of respecting others but not letting yourself be walked on – especially for parents. 
Written by Michael and Terri Quin for the Family Caring Trust.

On page 12 it specifically states that;

Tips on behaving Assertively.
1. Make a habit of speaking Personally.
“I like that kind of music.”
“As an unemployed/christian/woman, I have a problem with that.*
“I think this meeting shouldn’t last more than an hour.”
“I love you”
“I don’t think that video is suitable.”

The second source is from during the Final Hearing of Family Court Proceedings where my ex-partner, mother of my son;’s barrister attacked the Personal Statement that had been written by my solicitor on my behalf. I had merely to sign it. Having put my trust in her re-presentation of myself after my having observed her win over the judge with her superb performance during the previous proceedings, I simply signed it and accepted her higher experience in these matters.

The barrister was making a case that I was egocentric and therefore inferior, since every bullet point in “my” statement began with the word “I’; 
“I believe that.., I intend to.., I propose to.., I accept that..,”

This is despite the follow through of each bullet point;
“…childrens needs come first, …feed him healthy food instead of fast-food and gmo that his mother gives him, …raise him by the same middle class standards I was raised to meet, …compromises may have to be made given my current situation as unemployed however this puts me in a superb situation as a stay-at-home dad during which time I intend to continue childcare training courses available to me through the family center, which he loves attending and where he has friends; and which his mother and her family are on court record, quote ‘do not want him  to attend state education facilities’ unquote. The family center recognized my natural affinity with childcare sufficient to have offered me work when I achieve the appropriate qualifications that I am enrolled to start in September at the local college.” **
And so on and so forth.
A direct attack on the statement without reading the statement perhaps seemed the unscrupulous solicitor firm representing my ex-partner’s best shot at belittling me, despite whatever outcome may occur due to the proceedings and statements of evidence presented.

*personal note, speaking as an unemployed pagan male: no bias there then?

** which fell through due to the funding source being run by a female-supremacy neo-feminist quango, who ‘could not accept me on the course without securing funding’ and yet ‘could not fund me until after I was accepted on the course’, which seems spurious because they were able to jump a dozen women in the same situation as myself through the same peculiar hoop with no problems whatsoever.

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