Female Abandonment Issues

Female Abandonment Issues

Here, we are not going into root cause issues of why women have abandonment issues. A general response is to invoke the phrase ‘daddy issues’ without checking the accuracy, relevance and validity of the term.

 

Instead, we are going into assessing what she can do about it from her situation. 

This basically is summarised by one word, ‘acceptance’ which is another way of expressing ‘deciding’, and the multiple choices of specifically what it is she accepts which defines what she has decided. 

Or, by not accepting, by not deciding; which is perhaps delusional because the situation continues to exist with the same specific range of options, whether she accepts that or not. 

Postponing of accepting is postponing of making a decision which world she is actively energising, creating, for herself and for other people involved and encountered. That space is typically unhealthy for others dragged into it to empower the indecisiveness. 

Is it that she wants for someone else to decide for her? 

Who? 

Her man, other men, the mixed gender community or the exclusively female community? 

Let us get back to simplicity of the core options. 

Overcoming abandonment issues. 

The options: 

1 Acceptance of the one man. Monamory/Monomory, mono-game. 

2 Acceptance of having no men at all. Celibacy, nun (‘none’), or lesbianism. 

3 Acceptance of a sequential string of men, repeating the same situation with different men. Polyamory, mono-game.

There are no other options. 

This lifestyle decision regarding to whom she has partnership is integral to her approach of facing abandonment issues. She has only three choices regarding who has the control of deciding how to define the situation. 

1 Putting the man in control of abandoning her, or not. 

2 Putting herself in control of abandoning the current man, or not. 

3 A blur of both. 

It is a matter of trust and faith. 

This is why females ‘test’ men continuously which is exhausting for both parties, especially the man. Whatever criteria is required for her to trust him sufficiently that she stop testing him is not something women openly discuss with men, lest men use it as leverage to manipulate women. There is a cloud of confusion over communication, resulting in mistrust in this matter. 

What strategies have men and women discovered and developed which work best in bringing cross-board understanding of how best to achieve a harmony with this matter? 

Discuss this with your partner/s. 

The logic inherent in pure language. 

Mon - one

Poly - many 

Amory - affection (love)

Game - strategy (sub-Dom power exchanges, the see-saw of attaining balance or exploiting, usury)

Monogamy is not dedication to one person, it is dedication to one strategy. 

Polygamy is not dedication to one person, it is dedication to multiple strategies. 

Very often people use the word monogamy where what they mean by it is mono-amory (‘one love’). It is possible to have a mono-amorous (one-love) relationship with polygamous strategies on that one person. 

This is why we must question what does a person mean when they say ‘monogamy’ for purpose of clarification in communication and comprehension to avoid living “in the darkness of misperception”. 

Know this from experience of a relationship where the partner insisted on monogamy, she was not talking about being exclusively dedicated to only the one partner. She employed various different approaches to interacting with that partner always for controlling purposes on the basis of dealing with her own abandonment issues. Culturally this is recognised as symptomatic narcissism due to it being covert manipulation. 

The excuse ‘I did not know because I used the word to mean something different than what you thought it means’ is no excuse to justify non-accountability for consequences of behaviour. 

Culturally, monogamy means exclusive to person. If a person says they are exclusive (monogamous) they are explaining their own preference for their own behaviour. Stating what you are is in no way an agreement nor any accord of the person you are stating it to, that they must behave the same way. Working by assumption and implication is to live in "the darkness of misperception."

Be aware how for this analysis, sequential-monogamy is considered a form of polygamy. Especially so where the same relationship pattern is repeated with concurrent partnerships. Therefore ‘monogamy’ is an incorrect term to describe the dynamic as it relates to strategy, not to individuals. Loyalty would be a better term to use. 

Next up: Why do we want it that way? 

See also: Why Yes

See also: A Prayer to Lakshmi