Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Lucretia's Legacy



“Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or with a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent."  from wikipedia


When I was 18, I took a girl I hardly knew, because I wanted her that much; and she adored me, and we were together until adults split us up a few years later, in bitter envy of our love.

When I was late 20s, I took a girl I hardly knew, because by then I was desperate for sex, and she had put herself in that risky situation; and she adored me, and I couldn't get rid of her.*

I took none of the other girls I have known, and none of them stuck around, except one exception;**

When I was early 30s I met a girl and told her this, and she hated me because she thought that I didn’t want her that much, because I never took her. She challenged me to, both before and after we separated.

*This girl dumped me because I was not hard enough. The guy she left me for is now serving a life sentence for manslaughter after gang-raping a woman with his mates and leaving her to bleed to death.

**this girl got me pregnant and then she took me to court for custody of our beautiful son after she dumped him on me and disappeared. The court gave us 50/50 residency of him and I now see her regularly; because that’s how much she wants to keep me in her life, although we are never going to be sexual partners again with any luck. After 2 years of psycho hate attitude at me, she seems finally to have stopped being abusive and manipulative toward me.

In my late 20s, I was accused of sexually assaulting a 14 year old, after I had said no to  her wanting sex with me, on the basis that she was under-age, although it was tempting. She did not have the patience to wait 18 months; she desperately needed it. I rationalized that if I had slept with her, although it would technically have been statutory rape despite her willing consent, that she and I would both have been happier, and I would not have been accused of sexual assault as a revenge for turning her down. Also; what would it have to do with anyone else anyway? Her alcoholic mother had also consented to me taking on her daughter as a positive role-model in her life!

In my early 30s, I was accused of sleeping with a 16 year old, by my mid-30s girlfriend who was jealous and saw a possible risk to our fledgling relationship, because a clever younger girl wanted me enough to break us up by lying about me; which worked.

When I was 14, I was dragged into the girls toilets in school and sexually assaulted by three older girls who I didn’t know.

When I was 15, I was dosed and taken by a guy I had repeatedly told NO to, because I am heterosexual.

When I was 16, I was taken by an older woman I hardly knew, who got me drunk and tied me up.

When I was 16, I was blackmailed into sex by a suicidal 14 year old, who confessed to me as "the one person she trusted" that she overdosed on pills because the other girls in her class were bullying her for being the only virgin in her peer group (and the prettiest). I believe I saved her life.

When I was in my mid-late 20s I was dosed and sexually assaulted by a woman I know.

Most of my adult life I have lived alone, as an insomniac, highly reclusive, some say paranoid although I dispute that, it is that I am aloof and misunderstood, an easy target because I refuse to mix with wasters.I do not know how deeply the relationship between my anti-social behaviour of 'the urban hermit' has to do with my sexual experiences. I have not analyzed it enough to comment much beyond recognizing that there is a connection.

Knowing a persons attitude toward their own sex (by which I do not mean gender), is a deep insight into that persons psyche.


The ones I took, or who allowed themselves to be taken, felt secure and the relationship lasted until external forces destroyed it from outside. The ones I refused to take were angered and lied about me to get me in trouble. All the rest were mediocre and didn't last.


Women know that they are wanted if she lets you take her and you take her. It settles a lot of insecurities within relationships. This observation from experience. Women get frustrated and move on if a guy is regarded as less than alpha-male enough to be forceful, dominant, to take her.

For a man to take a woman, he is telling her that he wants her for ever. A man who takes a woman and then discards her, is going to leave a fuck-up for some other guy to deal with, and is an abuser. Know the difference; trust your partners instincts but mostly trust your own. Why sleep with someone who disrespects you?

Some women feel confidence over men if they can take a man, usually these are women who have some level of sexual abuse in their past, resulting in man-issues and sexual frustrations. It is a power-control issue on top of a personal-evaluation issue. By way of lack of open discourse with safe partners, the genders remain alien and the animal relationships are all there is, the common experience, to be expected.

Whatever words and agreements and mental agreements exist, are a smokescreen to cover the real animal passion that we are socially programmed to be embarrassed about, and disfunctional about. Usually women say No when they mean Yes. After discussion of this with quite a few people, women also mean No when they say No. It's a risky business either way.

1 comment:

  1. This blog entirely misses out positive, mutually respecting, loving, tender, stable relationships, because most people do not experience it; and it entirely misses out light promiscuity.