This is 420th post on this blog.
It is copypaste from private text conversations during a time of revelation.
Last night (saturday) i lucid dreamed visiting a Tibetan spiritual master a healer, the name 'San Po' in my mind, he poked my left ribs hard and it plugged a hole where my love has been leaking out. I started to heal immediately, to see straight. How things are connected. Traditional instruments, drums and chimes, music as healing. His ally showed me to drink red top milk, a lot of it, calcium. Symbolism but open to different interpretations. As i woke the name San Po is in my mind. There were lots of souls visiting him for healing, his place is amazing, full of symbols of his education to get him to the plane of being an astral healer. We are lucky there are people as high as him in this world doing that work.
"I have to forgive my sons mother and a big part of me despises and rejects her because if there is a place where she and i see eye to eye, we both avoid it. We come right up close to that place and then turn away from it."
Sending you this is the bravest thing i have done in a long long time. I was texting with my friend and this all came out.
Politics is a distraction from what is important, people, our loved ones, humanitarianism, looking after each other. I have to forgive my sons mother and a big part of me despises and rejects her because if there is a place where she and i see eye to eye, we both avoid it. We come right up close to that place and then turn away from it. My parents were the same, i watched them do it my whole life through and never discussed it, by the time i could talk i had given up trying to explain it to them and the schizm turned eventually to hate and it damaged me, it took them over and they consciously damaged me from it. Had i not failed, had i been able to explain it to them as a child, or been wiling to try as an adult, our family would have been closer, i would have been stronger. I blame myself for the hate that happened because i did not love them enough to heal them or at least try to by telling them what had happened. Every time they nearly settled on a level with each other, they were like magnets who attracted toward that balance and then at the last moment, repelled that balance. It was how they protected their fragile self identities instead of giving themselves over to each other completely which would have allowed love to flow through them and unite them completely. Letting go of the self so that nature can flow through us and we can be in bliss. And with parents that's often a sexual thing or at least a hug. But we damage ourselves and each other instead, so that it becomes harder and harder to let go and connect. Whoever gives over first, is consumed not by love but by the other ones self control, and the one persons ego eats both partners. In normal language we insult each others egos and if we accept one to be dominant, it bends both partners away from being straight enough to function socially. We call it being in love. So we let the hate come in instead and make a pretence which is so obvious that it does not satisfy and we all end up resenting the fakeness we trap ourselves into. The solution is simple - kiss and make up. Not for the sake of the kids only but for the sake of ourselves and each other and love and a better reality. Instead we turn each other into haters and the hate becomes the foundation of our childs world, the stability he knows and will recreate all his own life. Because we are afraid of letting go and becoming natural and rejoicing in the high our child needs to be stronger than we are, so we stay below that high. We need to work constantly to help each other stay there. It is our job, it is what family means. It is what successful parents can do. And so we face our failing that despite it all, our ego grandeur, our social face, we have failed because we do not do the simple thing of looking into that place and accepting it as a strength. Despite whatever other lovers we may take, it is our love and we are too broken to re-establish it as the world we live in. When we do, our child grows in that light.
The problem is that the programming from the mind, it takes over so instead of our heart-minds connecting as one, our programmed minds connect and that is where all the disagreement and confusion in the world comes from. I can analyse this and see it for what it is and explain it. I don't know if I am a pure enough creature to achieve it and that is because nobody can do so by themself. It requires the willingness of two people to get there. I don't expect we can but at least we can have a frame of reference about human emotional and mental psychology to use, by being aware of it.
Both need to be selfless and face it head on. Allow yourselves to be overcome by the same positive passionate attraction you felt when you first met and hold that level. A lot of the pain which is the operational base, is because you both need to go back into that space together and re-affirm it. It requires both being selfless together. Not easy especially when our nature has that destructive element. Both deserve to make each other happy, to gift each other that positive flow and to function as one.
You can turn each each other into the bliss which you prevent each other from being. Normally people judge each other for deviating from it but we forget we are all facing the same self doubt and insecurity. We deviate because we try to avoid creating a negativity reverberation and in doing so, we create a different sort, a confusion sort of negativity. Trying to hide our own monstrous nature we instead create it. Forgiveness and acceptance are the two words describing how to get back there, not as words but as actions in living realtime, together.
I believe that a bad translation of the garden of eden story put gender roles onto psychology concepts. A lot of mess and confusion came from that. It is about partners forgetting to energize each other with love, wholly, involving thoughtlessly hugging and not rejecting that from each other in a fit of unworthyness but embracing it. So they called the deviation by a female name, eve, and in doing so they blamed women for something which both genders do. It is because she represents the yin yielding flowing aspect of the self and usually people are stubborn yang which we call the mind and ego being set against the idea of returning to eden, the made heaven which a couples love creates. So the couples perpetually create a difficulty neither can overcome easily.
Thanks for seeing the point i am trying to explain. I wish i could explain it to all separated parents because it would help the kids to have a more stable family life and it would help the adults to be more peaceful inside and with each other. It is okay to love your ex, passionately, emotionally, physically, kindly, as a friend, we are meant to. Society teaches us to be disfunctional, that we are wrong if we act on feelings toward our ex, wrong if we support them. society encourages us to go against human nature, to go against healing ourselves and our partner.
I believe this is what the word husband and wife is designed to mean originally, partners who heal each other by stabilizing each other in a place of bliss. Then we can make better, less tortured lives, decisions, art, worlds, it is what being successful truly is.
All it takes is holding someone you love in a hug for more than 20 seconds so their brain releases endorphines. We have kids by this angel and we cant even do that much for ourselves and for them. No wonder our species is doomed. I try to hug my ex at an appropriate moment and she shouts rape and throws me half way across the room, the rejection hurt becomes the world our son grows up in. Because stubborn human nature is more powerful than the individuals ability to evolve. And this is about evolution into higher dimensions, through simple human interaction. We get off on punishing ourselves and each other and the kids instead of healing. This is why humans are facing extinction, it is the main reason. It can all be cured by letting our shields down so our light can shine through and simply holding each other, holding each other high like we do for the kids when they need comfort. Why is it so difficult for us to overcome our fear enough to do it?