Thursday, 4 June 2015



A spaced out guy on heroin asked me today to do him a big favour. Then he stared at me and said a name; “Martin”. I walked away because I want nothing to do with heroin addicts at all. I have never taken heroin myself and never intend to; as a counselor I have known them and decided that once a person takes heroin, they are written off. It is the only way to survive them.

A few hours later and I recall my friend in the last years of junior school. The teachers put us in groups in the assembly hall to do an experiment, posing our groups as politicians persuading the school to vote for us. We offered free sweets as well as free education, better food and longer playtimes, which was what the teachers were promoting by way of their expectations. Prompts earlier in the day had gotten us on track with this aptitude test.

As a child I was highly psychic, I could see clearly what the expectencies were, because they were goading us but it went further, I could pick words up out of their minds and when I spoke these words back to them, energy flowed successfully. I  had observed this so much that I came to crucial point where I had next to learn what happens when the energy ceases flowing, to experience what life is like for most people who do not have the ability which my bloodline is known to - experimenting with the experimenters.

The spirits were guiding me and had explained that this was what was happening by the same method as the living teachers, who were basically organic robots because I found them easy to coerce into rewarding me with energy attention, the type of energy attention summarised by the word fondness toward me for playing their game almost mystically. It made them glow inside, a feel good response. And I was supposed to extend this outward to my peer group. Usually I did this naturally. At this time something subvert was sliding in and making me step aside from myself, perhaps the beginning of a split mind. A lot was going on in my mental development at that time, all of it ignored by the adults because they were too busy educating me, which I believe is another level of the mind splitting between natural response and programmed mental calculus.

There was a choice between Martin and myself which of us needed most to be the spokesperson, who would be better at it. The group feeling was that I should, but Martin also wanted to. So ultimately the decision was down to me and I was hesitating so Martin spoke up first. I was hesitating only because he was my friend and although at the time I had more confidence, I could see that he needed the popularity and confidence from winning this one more than I did myself; even though it would have helped me to grow also, I could feel that by my growing so much from this one exercise I would be at a league above my group of friends friends and would have to leave them behind in my development. So I chose to remain in the sideline and be the encouragement. Thirty years later and I can see it was a kind hearted mistake, that the best intentions are not always for the best and sometimes selfishness rather than selflessness is the right thing to do.

Most of the talk we our group were giving was points which I had raised as our suggestions or put the thoughts into the other kids minds so they could raise them as their own suggestions. All of which was conducive to the flow which was shaping up to be the right shape, the teacher emotionally and mentally fulfilled that we were ticking the right boxes because everyone was having a say and because what we were saying conformed to the shape of the exercise so perfectly.

I was aware that we were top group already we were far ahead of the other groups in our points to be raised, to the extent that spies from the other groups were listening to us and copying our decisions. The teachers were observing all of this and letting them do it, hurrying us up to finish on time whenever we were distracted by the other groups stealing our ideas instead of telling the other groups to come up with their own ideas.

When the time came to speak in front of the whole school, Martin mentioned about yada yada policies plus free sweets as an extra enticement. This was something we had added at the very last minute before Martin had been placed on the podium. It was interesting to note that the entire school were bored up until the point of free sweets being mentioned and then everyone gave us a lot of energy attention. I watched this like wind blowing over cornfields.

And then some bastard teacher from another group asked; would we also provide dental care for the damage our sweets were doing to everyones teeth? I felt our group taken aback because we had not discussed this. I knew the right thing to say would be that these are healthy sweets, no sugar in them, that they are fruit sweets and good for health. I could see Martin was not too savvy enough to go that far in his thinking, stumble. He thought about it and then decided that we were dealing with the big bad no here, and the concept of healthy sweets would be laughed at. None of us wanted to be laughed at. I tried to give him extra power to do the right thing, to feel that extra confidence that he could pull it off. He looked directly into the eyes of the teacher who had asked the question, the source of the big bad no, and he folded.

The whole room derailed from the positive attention-track of do-the-right-thing, mention healthy sweets; it was too complicated a response and the pressure was mounting fast. Suddenly the power of that sway went over to answering the question directly as a yes or no answer because that is the most which most of the people there were capable of thinking about at that precise moment. All of the teachers looking at the clock and thinking ‘answer yes or no, hurry up about it!’.

I was in Martin's head while he did his thought process of; ‘yes’ would be the right answer but we did not discuss that in the group and because we did not discuss that I cannot speak for the whole of the group without asking their advice first, also then the next question will be about how can we pay for that additional costs and I don’t know the answer for that either - so positive by emotion but mentally no because this is a mental exercise. Everyone in our group was panicking and it amplified between us, came into a peak in Martin's mind.

All of that thought wave or rather feeling out for the right path went through him while verbally Martin said “yer, yuh, yeah-rur - ah, no”. And everyone in the room groaned and I slapped my face into my palm which in retrospect did more damage to him than I had intended. But it was okay because a year later he became the boss character in our group because he was games-master in our dungeons and dragons sessions (it was advanced fighting fantasy the british version of D and D), so we gave him the importance he needed to feel. I could see all this in perspective at the time it was happening. 

And then the next group repeated exactly what we had said. word for word - and added on top that they would also provide free dental care for the free sweets. They were not asked by the teacher about funding for that because the teacher was too busy cheering them on. And of course their group were voted in by the collective programmed consciousness of the entire school. Everyone hated us because the other groups teacher kept reminding the whole school that we were the group of kids who wanted to rot everyones teeth. Why that teacher was permitted to be a part of the rival team while no teachers were a part of our team I cannot answer.

I felt guilty because I should have shouted out ‘yes’ while Martin was dithering but by then I had been told to be quiet and the teacher on our team was using body language, leaned forward and used her hand to ward me down by lingering it over me and pressing down on the air, to prevent me from interrupting the discourse. It annoyed me then as much as it annoys me now as a memory.

This pattern has stuck with me throughout my whole life and today a heroin addict who was sitting on the street while I took pictures of a seagull ripping up a dead pigeon to eat, opened this memory up. By sharing it here I am sincerely hoping to do four things; heal myself, heal Martin, heal the heroin addict, and heal anyone else from making the same mistake. The lesson is;

speak up for what is right 

even (and especially) if people are trying to manipulate you or pressure you into being silent.

Speak up for what is right because the butterfly effect ripples out and prevents people from turning to heroin. Staying quiet causes people to say no when they mean yes, causes mistakes to happen which over time and the decades become bigger mistakes because we did not put in enough positivity to cause the world to be better.

The group of kids who won that debate were the bully kids who went on to beat up on the brainy kids. They really did not deserve to win it. The teachers were out of touch with the way energy flow works. Adults have forgotten and have detached from how kids experience the world where they can feel the energy flowing and know the right thing to do but between that and talking in taught words, being educated; the connection turns into the opposite of what it should naturally have been.

We mourn humanity being detached from nature as a cause for the worlds ills and this memoir is precisely a lesson in how that process happens. Pressure and domination even so simply as a hand gesture, pressuring people to speak before they have thought things through or connected with their instincts and emotions to make a holistically sound decision, because the political games are a world away from doing the right thing.

The adults do not know harmony because they have no connection with it and it is so difficult to detox ourselves to return to that state of being. We are persecuted for being there in that state by the heartless controllers who are not, it happens so often that most of us give up and become like them simply to survive living amongst them. We forget that the friends around us are a part of us too and that our energies never stop; they only change and return to us later. We need to tend for those energies, take good care of them by letting them grow, nurturing them.

This is a true story, especially the supernatural bits.

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