Midsummer 2009. I was sleeping in the van on top of Pembrey mountain view in sw Wales. It is an important location, at least it was when they named these places, as the next county over is called Pembrokeshire. It was summer and the van was a luton (bed above the cab) with a fibreglass roof. Which basically meant it was a greenhouse in summertime although its thin metal walls made it an icebox in winter. This morning the period between dream sleep and waking was prolongued. My rational waking awareness (sansara or conditioned mind) had not yet kicked in to edit the experience. I was dreaming. I dreamed that the sun was rising. A million worms were working their way to the surface to bask in the first rays of the sun and this hive mind was a powerful energy. There are no electric cables and no people at that altitude to block out or interfere with the projection of a mental field such as it is, an emotional energy field perhaps is a better description. My own perception was relaxed, a blanket surrounding the zone and including all of these worms singularity of focus into it. The sensation was orgasmically sexual. To a worm, morning sunlight and the orgy of worms writhing in a mass with other worms, is without confusion a pure blissful experience. Worms do not doubt, they do not have confusion. They are raw instinct given a nervous system to feel with. Cold clammy soil quietens them down but the dawn is holy. Visually in my dream i saw this as myself waking up and opening a hatch in the van roof (there is not actually a hatch there) and watching the suns rays bend around through space and reach us.
The dawn chorus of the birds was to my dreaming consciousness translated into a direct comprehension; I knew what every voice was saying. It helped that like the worms, they were all saying the same thing. Their speech is a little more complicated than the worms. They are celebrating morning because they can eat breakfast. The worms are too dumb to know they are being eaten indeed to be swallowed whole is to them a pleasurable experience. For the birds too, who know there is enough for everyone on this particular mountainside. The experience of sunrise and swallowing a worm is the same thing to their sleepy morning minds. The sun energy goes directly through the throat and fills you with its warmth. Visually I felt myself swallowing the suns rays as it reached us, these rays just so happened to look like worms; glowing from within, spinning out into individual strands of worm from a central writhing gloop of solar ray.
I woke up creased with laughter. It is probably the most relaxed I have ever been in my whole life. It is certainly the most connected with nature I can remember. The worms are hermaphrodites and this blissful experience left me questioning my own sexuality because to experience the pleasure of being both male and female at the same time and then the raw solar energy flowing back through the dna and habitual neural paths of a human took some adjusting. Abraxas the hermaphrodite deity. In shamanism to watch the sunrise, that moment where it is neither above nor below the horizon, to absorb that unique spectrum of energy, breathing it in through all the chakras, is one of the most empowering rites known.
I was lucky to be let go of all rigid dogmatic self identity and to share the sunrise with the life forms of the mountain. This is what the Morning Star means to me now having been through this awakening. People assign it to Venus and therefore Luciferianism, the most beautiful light. It is not though, it is our own Sun from which we are made, which we are the consciousness of albeit so desperately confused as we are. It is the raw primal purity of functioning properly connected with the divine. There truly is only one other way I know to be connected so wholly with the source and most of us seek that for our entire lifetimes.
This is not a confession of gender preference in sexuality. This is an experience involving perception.