Beyond The Point Of Doing It
aka: sex, love and legal-tape
Sex means Session
Gender means Agenda
Equality means dancing the differences. Learn the moves.
People have mixed attitudes toward all of these things.
While none is right, some are wrong.
Being skint and with no vehicle I am pedestrian, my range of potential partners is very limited to the immediate local area. It sucks but its typical example of modern human life for people who put ecology and common sense before heavily taxed, polluting lifestyles sold during the 1950s before people began to realise that way of living is enslavement and destructive. People who own cars are destructive slaves but do not like to be reminded of it. I live near a store which sells salad, real chocolate and bergamot tea, I live near an A&E, I live near the countryside although I also live near a chav estate. There is not really anyone else like me around here that I know of, unless like me they stay indoors most of the time and are nocturnal. I am really lonely although I prefer that to having someone in my face 24/7 barking orders at me.
So I did an experiment. I reasoned that IF there is a God who is benevolent, it would not have stuck me in this situation without a reason. Needing a steady partner in my life, she obviously lives within walking distance. Given my inability to find the right person so far throughout my life, perhaps that’s because she has been hiding under my nose all along.
Very soon afterward I met a woman who filled all the right criteria, we got along well and were in a similar situation in our lives. I didn’t take this as evidence that a benevolent God exists, I working-hypothesussed it as evidence of probability in the real world beyond stir-crazy self-analysis sessions. Avoiding ego games is the biggest part of finding and of being the right person.
Convenience relationships. Up until 1000 years ago what we now call convenience relationships was the mainstream. Inconvenient relationships are a distraction from more important things in life.
The need to be needed and the need to give I can cope with or without for the most part; it is the accepting that someone wants me to need them when I probably don’t, having become a lone-wolf due to experience; being able to see through regulated social structures and not having any attention for zombies who can’t; having more life experience outside of normality to such extent people can’t believe my experiences to be real although they are.
It all worked really well until I discovered that while perpetuating a story in my mind that it was monogamous relationship, all of those occasions when she had been unable to see me were because she was seeing other guys who she was meeting off the internet for no-strings sex. In fact, she was getting me out of the way while her main long-distance partner came to stay. I had to choose between an open relationship or no relationship until meeting someone better. My then partner was quite happy playing as many men as she could juggle. It turned out not to have been the sort of relationship I was looking for after all, basically because she lied to me and secondarily because she messed me about.
I need someone sorted and sorted people are of two types; they sneer at dreadlocks yet themselves have no life experience, only the fakery of social position and properties (materialistic people), or else they have wide and varied life experience, are humbled by hardship, and are a thousand times more spiritually aware than those who cannot see through the system. Online I speak with people who do not live in Britain, who have successfully done both things; social and spiritual success.
I am caught up between becoming one of those myself, staying single and focus on work until I have materialistically made it, and can emigrate to live somewhere better; or I can stay here and settle with someone local who just is not on my wavelength at all. By the time I do get rich, and I will; I will be too old to have any more kids. I want to have more kids. I live in a nation of emasculated whores who don’t want men raising their children, who cannot see how things are falling apart here and resent anyone who adds those factors up to see the clear picture. There are chavs around here who would give me kids and don’t expect me to stay around to be a good dad, it would creep them out if I tried to. My chances of succeeding at pulling them would be increased if I had jail time behind me because that’s their mentality. Im not a criminal ergo Im not breeding stock. Not around here anyway.
Now: I accept I will grow old, alone, a lonely crazy old man who did not make the most of my life but not regretting that because people are generally not ready for what I have to bring to the community anyway, not ready by far. My IQ rates me as genius but at 81% right brained I am a creative genius, rather than a scientific genius. My study is shamanism, esp, spiritualism, &etc. My study is not in maths. Music, drawings, paintings, cgi, my writing; is all a bi-product, not an end result, of my being that thing.
At the age of 9 I had an off the top of the chart reading age of at least 16. At the age of 30 I had a mental age of early 40s. There are proper real psychology tests you can do to find all this stuff out about yourself. Right now, the only people who come close to being on my level are in their fifties unless they have been through hell. As a qualified counsellor I can say that most of what makes people go through a hard time is lack of money and persecution, both from the zombies and from parts of the state which the successful materialists deny exists. But you know it when it bites you.
Artists are highly under-valued by society. Look around you - what percentage of the things you see were designed? But how many were designed well? How do you think about answering that? Functional Box Object vs comfortable sensible interface pleasing to touch and aesthetically to look at? It is legal to repay a debt with goods to the value of. A work of art is goods to the value of. I paid a gas bill with a series of drawings. The company were legally obligated either to accept it, or by not doing so they would have voided the debt. They responded by very kindly sending to me what to my mind was their property, a series of drawings, and then they criminally blacklisted me despite that the debt had been legally repaid. But they did not take it any further. Being blacklisted means I cannot get hire purchase for 5 years. Even if I had the money to get a hire purchase item, I would be unlikely to pay 50% extra for the same thing I can get new if i had a lump sum of money to begin with, and can easily get secondhand for next to nothing. “There’s enough of everything to give out free” Back To The Planet
Britain is in debt. The debt is so big that the interest is getting bigger faster than it can be repaid. There is insufficient resources, even if all the people gave all of our material stuff and all of the money from our bank accounts to repay the debt, it would still not be repaid and the interest rate would keep escalating. I understand maths enough to see this very clearly, having done the maths based on the figures released by the government. It is stupid and it is also against Gods will because it is usury. Islamic banks do not charge usury, and the islamic communities are not debt slaves, therefore they are succeeding where non-islamic banks are enslaving people.
In this background climate, I make art which is of monetary value. To me this seems the only logical way to get myself out of debt, and i suggest the same ethic for the people .Get a Turner Prize artist to give to the banks, a piece of art which Saatchi estimate at value to -the same as the national debt. End of, everybody is happy. Why does it not work this way in the real world? Because the system is a con. You are a zombi if you cannot see that. So why do you pay into it?
Meanwhile, a page and a half later, I am no closer to finding somebody to love, nor any closer to believing in a benevolent God. Actually that's not quite true, I did try islam for a while and it did make me feel a lot better. People are taught the word means Peace but it is more than that; a closer description would be, the peace that is attained through acceptance of all things as they are. It is a profound peace and even more so when so much human psychic attention is simultaneously given to attaining it together as a community. It makes a powerful energy field. I believe it is necessary to bring this to Britain to rid us of the problems inherited by corrupt governance and mis-education of society. I don’t think it will mean the death of white man nor the loss of the traditional british way of life which is founded on the Common Law of our Ancestors; Do not steal, do not cause harm, do not use trickery, keep the peace. Everything else is government policy ("legislated statutes are acts of parliament given the power of a Law by consent of the governed”). Good luck trying to tell them that you do not consent to be governed - they will put you in jail or a mental home. No really, that is what they do.
So what do I want? I want to meet someone who values that to be an artist means living as an artist, not as a slave, especially not as their own personal slave. Someone who wants my children and wants me in their life, respecting me as a role-model and positive influence not only as a family but on culture in general. And I want to make a lot of money from my art. Having money does increase my chances of meeting someone interested in all of that significantly, tried and trusted methods of awareness, practical realism despite that the ones who deserve me are those who would be with me regardless of materialism. I want to live closer to luxury than I do here in a cold wet depressing nation of zombies.
I could just start walking and hide on a boat, get over to Europe, Africa, the far east, all of that opens up as a possibility. It is opening up as an increasingly tempting path. Become one of the refugees escaping from Britain. Find someplace to settle down in an eco-community, off-grid and off-record. It means no electricity, no internet, no writing, no heater, no creativity that will last five minutes to actually have any value beyond the point of doing it. Become a different person again.
It means I would never see my 5 year old boy again until he's old enough to come and find me by himself. No option man, no way am I ever going to leave my son behind. He is why I am working so damn hard, nocturnal shift, day after day making digital shapes, drawing, writing, doing things worth money to someone if not now then in the future. I am the best hope he has of achieving whatever he wants to do with his life by helping him get there; I need to be in a situation to do so. I can't emigrate without him so life has become all about gilding the cage. It's all I can do. The highest aspiration of the British Way Of Life.
Its funny because my closest friends are travelers. Most of them have already got out of Britain. The trouble I have had from the state just pinned me here; they do not want me to leave and for a long time they would not even like me to be aware the reason; it is because art repays debt, and I produce. It simply is that.
Locked in a cold house, lonely except for the days I have my son and the responsibilities of a full time dad. Lonely for adult company. Lonely for spiritually aware people to communicate and study chi and make art with. Better this than have my time wasted by egoists.
That's what it comes down to.