Tuesday, 3 November 2020

Blue Brick

“She comes back to tell me she's gone
As if I didn’t know that
As if I didn’t know my own bed
As if I’d never noticed
The way she brushed her hair from her forehead

And she said losing love
Is like a window in your heart
Everybody sees you’re blown apart
Everybody sees the wind blow.”

Paul Simon, Graceland

I didn’t know what she meant when she said,

“Bluebrick, there’s a thing they never thought of yet.” 

Her cryptic way with meaning left me reeling,
What else does she mean 
Behind the invisible wall of apparent feeling? 
I thought she meant emotions like a wall, 
Something we would not crash into yet 
Not until long after
She was gone away and missing her
Hurt more than it ought to. 
She disappeared into darkest Europe to one of the many abandoned villages where housing is free if you can live without electricity. Her dream all along and being multilingual she had a head for it, an ability to cope. 

She did return briefly for awhile for a not-long-enough-long-weekend of pleasure and treasured moments, we did an E.P. together, simple and moody. She had much to do and many to meet in her whirlwind trip back here, keeping herself moving lest she settle too long and snagged on roots decide to stay. 

How some people are doing life. 
She’s not online anymore and she wants it that way. 
So fragments and archived memories are all we have of her. That’s what she meant by blue brick, autosuggesting the necessary existence of the blue wall. 

It was not until this week I banged out a batch of 30mm tabletop roleplay ruins for D&D/HeroQuest/etc a recognition struck me, her prescience a lash through my life as yet again her words formed new meaning I had been unable to contemplate until this time. 

This blog is dedicated to Rachel “Dark Dolphin” Bree, wherever she may be. We used to game together, play together, swim together, win together, dream together, but then she swam away on tides more akin her nature. She had always said she would do it and she is an honest soul. A rarity, it’s a reason her loss is so potent. Maudlin moments.

She’s a dream queen. 
You’ll see what I mean. 

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