“Pardon the ignorance, but watta hell is BDSM?” anon
Bondage Discipline Deviation Domination Submission Sadism Masochism
There are four primary and four secondary “roles” or “persona preferences” although any school teaching only two (Dom and Sub) is immediately questionable as an excuse for abuse by people who don’t know what they’re doing and claim to be part of bdsm culture while debasing it.
The four major are submissive dominant switch and brat. Switch can do either Sub or Dom depending on who they’re with and what the mood is. Brat is annoying attention-seeking attempting to convert their dom to a sub or their sub to a dom by undermining their authority, using anger reflex as a game to establish the partners breaking point and to encourage the partner to sexually abuse them violently which the brat believes they need for their own pleasure. It’s a different dynamic to a standard sub who is genuinely more submissive than a brat.
The secondary four types are more rare and are more complicated, featuring a sub who wants to be a dom but isn’t/can’t, a dom who wants to be a sub but isn’t/can’t, a worse version of a brat who does not have normal social safety boundaries to limit their behaviour (which is what brats often attempt to become or at least appear to be) and a wider group called broken switch which doesn’t flow with the partner switch and causes glitches, hence the title glitch applied to them in some groups.
My training in this is from experience and formal training from previous generations which were not dumbed down by the explosion of bdsm culture into public awareness and had to keep it more secret, long ago before the internet came along which assumes to have all the answers at the push of a button but generally doesn’t and is laughable with misinformation and lack of information.
A good sub-dom relationship is about trust, and exploring oneself by shared activities in those roles - everything in it is about trust, and exploring the self and the other person.
A bad sub-dom relationship is non-consensual and/or does not respect the need for trust at the heart of the relationship.
Unfortunately the excuse for abuse which is assumed by abusers who latched onto bdsm as an arena to get away with it does put many people off the whole concept of exploring the many rituals involved.
The exploration of pleasure mixed with pain to heighten sensory awareness and exploration of a lucid state of consciousness is intense and requires downtime as it can be exhausting. Care is always the keyword. The states explored of offering stability for inner trauma is preferable than the creation of trauma through misguided use of bdsm.
It’s one of many facets of sexuality. Personally having been through a lot of bdsm culture I prefer the spiritual focus of tantric sensuality than what I find to be wild teenage fantasies for disfunctional adults.
You will not find a more detailed overview of what bdsm culture is elsewhere in the internet nor from most practitioners you ever meet, than the words you have read here.
These however are merely words. In my safe room you will not speak unless in simple honest direct answer to a question. The purity and intimacy of silence is a part of the methods I prefer and will reveal deeper and more passionately aspects of yourself not available during the distraction of human language structures.
It most certainly is not simply “porn” although it can play it’s part.
It’s a whole-lifestyle culture.
The discipline aspect can involve for example diet for sexual health, exercise regime, many activities outside of the bedroom for the strengthening of the people individually and the relationship. For example visiting romantic locations and betterment of the individuals such as art galleries, museums, education, etc, to strengthen self discipline as a reflex with encouragement by the partner, new experiences for broadening perceptions and horizons, expanding the self.
Knowing what you are doing is the domain of the dom.
Trusting the dom to be caring even in any physical emotional and mental punishment necessary to instil a structured stability without it becoming excuse for abuse, is the domain of the yielding submissive who typically lacks self discipline and structure in their life.
For many people bdsm means sexy lingerie, blindfolds, handcuffs and crappy spanking paddles from adult toy websites, vanilla and manila forms of kink.
For some it involves more extreme experiences for instance kidnap and torture and other fetish fantasies, of which there is a vast range imaginable.