Tuesday 24 December 2013


Chinese Year of the Water Snake, 2013. i sat in a tea shop with two friends. One, born in the year of the Wood Snake thirteen years before me, an expert in astrology. The other, born year of the Earth Snake thirteen years after me, a painter. I was born in 1977 year of the Fire Snake. The astrologer told me this (2013) is my lucky year, or perhaps next year. Such a meeting surely proves it! 

Certainly i know that given the end of the Mayan long-count calendar reputedly 21.12.2012 that 2013 is regarded Year Zero, a year outside of time before the beginning of the next cycle. We deserve a year out. Many other calendar priests argue there is no such thing as a year zero, that 2013 is properly measured as year One. Right now with global events and our lives being what they are, most of us agree that we need a year out and the concept is too good to miss celebrating for what it is. Redundant now as i type this it is 24.12.2013, it's drawing to a close whichever calendar you are on. 

Tonight i have been researching in the internet and ten minutes ago i discovered a manuscript (see pictures) which has made me laugh deeply. It is an extract from the Introduction to (the 1964 Dover reproduction of 7th Ganesh & Co edition of ) THE SERPENT POWER, The Secrets of Tantric and Shaktic Yoga, by Arthur Avalon (Sir John Woodroffe); first published in 1919 (which was before one of four existing copies of the Popul Vuh was pulled from the Nuremberg book burnings during Second World War by a brave German officer) so it could later be translated). 

The Naqshbandi Sufi are the largest Sufi school allied to Islam. Sufism predates Islam and not all of its schools are Islamic. What i learned of Sufism outside direct tutorship of non-islamic Sufi came from studying the writing of Idries Shah. This is not why i began this blog. 

"the correspondences … between Asiatic Sastra and … Maya Scripture …" 

This is why i began this blog. My online existence is a glimpse at evidence of my more extensive research, that i have been reading mayan carvings and that they teach the same teaching, through their picto-glyphs, as i have previously discovered by translating Egyptian stone carvings through their hieroglyphs! 

"Hurakan" or lightning is Kundalini, and the centres are depicted by animal glyphs."  

If i had read this book, i probably would not have been doing so much research of my own, assuming 'other scholars' to have achieved the same result a century ago. 

Not only has discovering this manuscript reminded me that it is time i wrote up some of my discoveries between feather strands as gradients, precise frequencies measurable (as kHz) so far as our extra-sensory use of chakra mesh/matrix/grid  emanations/rays  is concerned; it has given me a focus in further research which animals relate to which chakras in the Mayan codice. All these glyphs work multi sense; the do not only speak of the individuals energy field, they speak also of the maths that describes time and space harmonics. 

Many of my colleagues this past few decades so feared the grid they sought to distort their own energy fields as much as possible to avoid being pre-empted and betrayed in some way. We need to balance to achieve ascent, we need to ascend to achieve balance. We cannot avoid returning Karma. The ones who battled fate postponed it thus causing more aberration and more karma. It all crunches at the crunch point. And all waveforms are collapsing; the real node point spoken of by the Mayans (2012 alignment prophecy) is very close now, the next few months. 

i bought the book and it seems, as my tools are coming as i need them, that this year i will finally be given time to study properly, for which i am deeply grateful. 

snakeappletree white-lightning-gate 
(hieratic name & tzolkin calendar sign) 

click for Black Crowes album on youtube
not my favourite music but symbolically relates

My introduction to Kundalini came as a natural progression from my since-childhood interest and studies of chakras. in a bookshop in Glastonbury a hand made publication found me, from the OMS called Fire Serpent written by High Priest Victor Corva Penfold, a Romany shaman of the London gypsyry. i bought it along with two other manuscripts available of the five he wrote. It teaches magical sex rituals; studying them with my then partner, we discovered that they work. 

In the fourteen years since separating from her, i have not since found any partner willing and interested enough to resume my studies into this. Neither have i met anyone else who achieved that level of percept into reality and through these techniques, which do not seem to be of public knowledge, do not appear available in the internet and are not known of by the official multinational OMS organisation which Victa was involved with, disconcertingly they have told me via email that they do not know who he is. i can only assume that either people are unwilling to talk about this level of reality with fellow adepts or that the existing organisation has forgotten the name of its founding member as well as his core teaching. 

Additional 28.12.13: 
Only today did the information between 2.13.07 and 2.16.40 on the following video come to me, and it is with perfect timing to round off this blog (posted a few days ago) - it is exactly what I have been talking about here. 

Sunday 6 October 2013

Reflections of Cyburbia

For the past 72 hours I have done nothing but drink coffee and make 3D city inside cyberspace. By use of specific materials; light-cursive glass and reflective steel, the cloned square blocks become vortexes, one bouncing off the other ad infinitum, warping like a hall of mirrors. I simply cannot wait to get this hooked up to a VR headset and immerse myself completely. 

It is like lego for computer junky grown-ups. Copypaste & Stack. Zoom and Tilt Angle. This is how I have been sorting my head out. I am very aware of the metaphysician approach to language here from the deconstructionist perspective. 

I generated the following cityscapes after watching my friend Rachel Dolphindark lovingly explore InSilico district of SecondLife.

What is the proper correct terminology for "cyber urban" ?
The two words almost mirror one another.
Welcome to Cyburbia...

featuring my balcony & scaffolding, Evesham Road
What is most surprising is how similar this digitally generated space and imagery is to paintings done by my contemporary at Cheltenham Art School between '96 and '99 with whom it was my great honour to share a lot of things. Paul Cummings interest in cyber design as shown in examples of his early work here. 

Gas Tower featuring Mark 
Tower Block featuring Sofi 

Tuesday 3 September 2013

A preoccupation with TIME


Speak both words and imagine that the concepts have diverged due to colloquial accents for the past several hundred years, from a common root idea. 

In western astrology, planetary influence of Saturn is associated with TIME. 
It is often depicted as an aged man with a long beard. 

In practical terms it has more to do with the gridding effect of sequences into a linear structure. (Apopholyte is a gemstone that does this to the electromagnetic particle energy of its surroundings and to the numeric pulse rhythms of any other gemstones in the proximity also, it has some similar properties to Christite - take note how these words both seem in fitting with the language of the christian religions, revealing hidden depths of meaning in its jargon from before the religious aspect took over, markedly during the Gregorian reformation of the 17th century). 

I am sure you are familiar with Revelations message of the number of the Beast 666, which "during the end times shall be imprinted on all things". 

Relax, it is talking about the end of the Piscean era for which Christianity was originally envisaged as a guide before the dark forces of slavery systematically perverted it. The phrase 'End Times' refers to the religion having served its purpose and being no longer relevant because a better and more relevant approach to spiritual insight will replace it during the Aquarian era - which we are now into. 

I mention about 666 being imprinted on everything for this reason:

24 hour clock
60 minutes per hour
60 seconds per minute

This is called 12:60 timescale, it is only one of many possible grid systems for measuring time, one that we are taught is 'satanic' in the 'devil' sense of the word. Indeed it is a far shout from organic natural 13:20 that everything else in the galaxy resonates with. 

2+4 = 6
6+0 = 6
6+0 = 6
tonal= 666

Now 'check the time' on your digital watch, computer, cellphone, if you want to grid yourself to a slavery system. An artificial structure designed to cause stress to your biological, emotional and mental functions. That is why it is regarded as 'the devils work'.

Green Man Year Zero

"Welcome to the summer of dread. The conservative party's dreams of an England culturally cleansed of 'hippies', 'crusties', 'soap-dodgers' and 'scroungers'. A countryside reclaimed for picnicking Lebensraum for decent suburban folk. A rural idyll unspoiled by dreadlocked, bearded, unwashed, social deviants who will be forced back into the inner-city cesspits from whence they crawled... this is no deranged fascist wet dream. This is the culmination of a determined effort to crush and destroy a multi-cultural, empowering activist lifestyle for no other reason than the besuited gentlemen farmers and merchant bankers of the Conservative Party find it offensive." 

'Convoy Clampdown' article, NME 8 May 1993. 

"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty."  Magna Carta 1215  (paraphrased)

2013ad is Year Zero by the Mayan long count. The backdrop of the rise of a fascist state in Britain, two and three generations after my ancestors fought two consecutive world wars to prevent such a thing from happening. A return to Law is required while there is still time, now two years before the 800th anniversary of the signing of the Magna Carta which established in writing a legal system based on the Common Law of our Ancestors (Do not Steal, Do not cause Harm, Do not use trickery, and Keep the Peace) that has become increasingly corrupt and ignored ever since. We are long overdue for and in desperate need of a reformation. The near future will  be one of political reform.  

This summer I was fortunate to take time out of my research and educational work, to be a part of the four day long Green Man festival in the black mountains of Wales. It is located on an ancient riverbed and halfway up the hillside.

One thing that I did notice during the festival, living in high energy nature and away from Babylon, the urban wilderness, cellphone and wifi radiation, is that my sperm production has doubled!

Green Man is the best organised, cleanest festival I have ever been to, although it has been nearly fifteen years since the last big festival I went to, other than the occasional free party and traveller rave during my twenties. Green Man is safe for kids and has a lot of facilities for them, divided into 'younger' and 'older' categories (toddlers/pre-teens and pre-teens/teens in two separate zones). The site is gorgeous! Open spaces as important as music stages, food and trinket shops. Some of the trees here in a grove between the healing field and the main circuits are otherworldly.

Main things; my 3 year old got to see Patti Smith live!

Unfortunately I missed Julian Cope (Teardrop Explodes & the Modern Antiquarian) speaking due to the festi timetable being a fiver more than I had.

The drum workshop was amazing, smoke-filled-bubbles machine, heated showers, toilets cleaned twice a day, every food tent a different nationality from African souk to hippy chai, fresh fried fish and quinoa to full english breakfast. 

Many thousands of people living communally, a state of original-sense anarchy (not needing government) with not one policeman on site throughout; surely this alone says it all.

I walked around the festi where there were many dreadlocks feeling at home, being respected and smiled at simply for their presence, in my mind floated the phrase 'the gathering of tribes' from a 1999 exhibition 'a century of fashion' which predicted a culture that has become relevant now. 

I was at Glastonbury festival at Pilton in the year of the mud (and I still have green toenails from it despite wearing Doc Martens at the time, as trained by my early teenage years of Riot Grrl / Grunge generation vying with Goth and Reggae for my attention before becoming a full blown festi-born new-age traveller as now forever stereotyped). That pre-millenial festival was regarded by many at a time of global tsunami and maelstrom flooding to be Mother Earth speaking; remember what you are, remember nature! Walking barefoot at the Green Man I very soon got back into the festi spirit, watching/feeling several grids of the different festi spirits as they arranged coincidental experiences, time-synced events and meetings while everything falls into its own natural harmonic. 

The Green Man is Renewal cycle of nature; a british deity symbolized by an oak-leaf faced man. To many this signifies Druidism in its honorific state and the association with Oak Trees, of which are many and ancient on the Glanusk Estate in where the festival has been located for the past three of its ten years; although Celts have been worshipping the Green Man for countless generations, it is one of the earliest recorded traditional british imagery seen on pagan artefacts, so important that like Sheela Na Gig it was absorbed into British christian temple carvings prior to the Gregorian reformation.  

The cycle of renewal. It was followed by a hard minimal techno set the likes of which I haven't seen for a decade either, and which helped inspired me to get into making my own techno music.

"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.” Rumi

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke.

3.9.13 Evidently I came back from the Green Man festival feeling a strong political message! Time has flown by since and I have not had time to sit down, look through the photo's and finish this blog until today. 

Monday 22 July 2013

Rosemary Wash

I wash my dredlocks twice a week, once with water and once with knotty boy organic dredlock soap, one bar of which lasts roughly six months if thats all you do with it.

Some people don't wash their dreds at all, apparently I over-wash them. As a consequence my dredlocks are dry as brittle hay, so I researched on the internet into methods to rejuvenate them.  

Can't use wax because it binds dirt into the core of the dred for ever. Can't use chemicals because it deconditions the hair even worse. Henna is great for refreshing damaged hair but again, dirt in the core. 

I don't have any coconut butter until that arrives for me to experiment with, so for today it comes down to herbal washes to add oil back into the dry hair. 

I have been growing rosemary in my herb garden and have plenty of it, so this blog is really about the seemingly obvious process of cutting it, cleansing it, shredding it, simmering it in water for five minutes, potting the juice until it cools (as a fresh organic substance it goes mouldy if you don't freeze it to store it), and in this case soaking it into my drylocks and allowing it to naturally dry. 

The juice tastes bitter and oily; oilyness that swirls around in the pot as it cools. This is the oil I need to get into my hair!
After watching and learning some of his daddy's herbalism  my 3 year old helped me immensely by pouring the luke-warm juice onto my dreds, which hopefully will help him overcome his dislike of having his own hair washed.

Tuesday 9 July 2013

Chaos Magick

In fantasy role-playing games there is a contrast between ‘good’ Lawful magic and ‘evil’ Chaos magic. In real life the development of magickal systems is somewhat less decisive.

A brief history of Chaos Magick

In the latter half of the twentieth century, Peter Carroll co-founder of the Illuminaries of Thanateros (sex and death) published Psychonaut and Libre Null outlining chaos magick theory and establishing a new system for magickal results that dispenses with dogma of previous systems such as those of the Hermetic Tradition dating back thousands of years through classical Greek to ancient Aegyptian. Carrolls development followed Austin O Spares development of a useful functional sigilism system after his having had some dealing with Aliester Crowley’s reinvention of the Order of the Golden Dawn.

Peter Carroll’s youtube videos;

This stuff works. Use of perception and especially altered perception to change external reality by focused power of Belief. Rituals are order-of-the-day, utilizing whatever symbology and concepts are available at the time. This is neither black, nor white, because it is beyond such polarization. It is about Change.

Venus Satanus youtube videos;

The philosophy of occult study http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxBpR6qfh-U

“Chaos magick affords the magician the kind of freedom to be able to use anything that is desired in magick, regardless of its origin or structure. Gnosis in chaos magick is a form of Intent that creates the path in the mind necessary for the Will to enact what the magician wants to create. The use of the Will for a formula for success.” Venus Satanus

By Year Zero (2013ad) the language used by Carroll is dated. For example, his use of the word ‘desire’ for ‘intent’ has a theological bias at contrast with integration of the Buddhist related school, wherein desire actively blocks us from true perception. While this was not Carrolls concern (he discusses the two paradigms being mutually exclusive and defends it well), it is important as Chaos Magick theory and philosophy develops. One cannot be a successful psychonaut while ignoring the importance and validity of the uses and training of mind which the Zen has to offer, especially since no-mind is the objective of both, as it is for the Mayan sorcerers pursuit of objective observation.

The problem all practitioners face is the overwhelming dogma projected by existing group mind, the collective consciousness. Methods for liberating the mind from attachment to such dogma becomes the major focus of the practitioner. This relates to what Don Matus taught Don Carlos about ‘the sorcerers of old’ who would perform any number of extreme atrocities attempting to achieve results.

“Where Attention goes, energy flows.”

This blog follows on from previous blog entitled M:tA

 and for comparison;

Check Out the Void

“The pain that we feel is the Love we with-hold.” Vassaius

Human society out there is fucked. It is so full of mind programmes to screw you up, to screw up positive relationships. Most of it is about insecurity and control, domination and doubt. Most of it is about Slavery. It affects us all. 

Our ancestors were proud human beings. They were dealing with real issues. They were pragmatic realists. 

We here have decided to remember our roots. We are proud human beings. We are strong enough to do what it takes to get things right, within our group of people.

We cannot change government. But we can change ourselves and our immediate community. This is done with Positivity, with Love, and with Acceptance. 

In any tribal community there are wisdom keepers, there are natural leaders. I do not want to be a leader. I am doing what I must do to heal the social sickness. This statement is a part of that. 

Our primary goal is for everyone to be happy. Our primary goal is for the kids to be safe, so they can teach us a purer insight than we can access from our compromised integrities. 

Humans are a tribal species, it is how we are designed to thrive. We look up to indigenous tribal communities for the wisdoms that we have forgotten, so we can implement them into western societies. 

There is a simple human rule in any tribal group; if you are not working for the good of the tribe, then you are not part of the tribe. Other than this, the generally accepted Common Law of our Ancestors is as follows; Keep the Peace, do not harm, steal or use trickery. This should be all we need to live successfully as a prosperous community. Any problems where they are not resolved from inside the group harmony, are from outside of it. There is an old maxim; together we win, divided we fall. This is the uprising of Human Culture amidst a toxic consumerist debt-slavery system. 

Our contexts and our concepts must be changed, as part of the transition. The goal is sustainable permaculture and community support. Any thought or feeling that becomes an action should be one of positive energy, we are stripping our world of negativity by sidelining the sociopaths. This is a survival necessity.

Friday 5 July 2013

Cognitive Dissonance As Standard

"Only the Insane have Strength enough to prosper;
Only those who prosper truly judge what is sane."
Warhammer 40,000

Cognitive Dissonance is a mental health disorder where the sufferer prefers to believe the dogma of la-la-land, rather than to accept reality, even when reality presents valid proof that the situation is the way it is.

When a person has been recognized as suffering from cognitive dissonance, we must re-evaluate them as a mental health sufferer, no matter what position they hold in society and no matter who or what they themselves believe themselves to be.

Cognitive Dissonance undermines all sense of self as authority, despite job title, income, etc. It is officially recognized as a real mental health disorder. It is rampant in many western cultures, to the extent that ‘mental plague’ is a valid phrase in establishing what is going on in our communities, and in shifting from one paradigm (culturally repressed) to another (accepting a wider reality).

When a doctor misdiagnosed my father as having indigestion, which later turned out to be bowel cancer, a normal person would consider the doctor be at fault. The doctor defends this by replying that he simply did what his computer told him, diagnosing the ailment according to the database.

A sane person would not return to use the same doctor.

Following this, my father returned to the same doctor and told him that I hear voices. “My son hears voices” were the exact words he used. Then my father forced me into going to see the doctor. I objected on the basis that the doctor misdiagnosed him and therefore I do not trust this doctor’s professional opinion.

The doctor said to me; “I have been informed that you hear voices.”
Very laterally I replied; “how can I respond to that other than in the affirmative?” By which I meant that my ears are working fine, or I would not have heard his voice as he told me his statement.

“That is a classic textbook symptom of schizophrenia. I am now referring you to the local mental health team.”
What the? I was too shocked to respond at the time.

The mental health team visited me one by one to get their head around me.
First, the Witch (wearing square shoes, gloves and purple eyes, as described in Roald Dahl’s book the Witches. Possibly she wore purple contact lenses.) listened to me relate about how I had been stressed recently because I had been gang stalked, by a crew who were so inept that I have photographs of them. I went to the police about it and the desk sergeant jovially told me it was probably the undercover police themselves who were following me. No help there then.

The Witch told me that she believed I was lying. Although like everyone she is free to believe anything she wants, I was immediately suspicious of her intent. I offered to show her the photographs and she told me it was not necessary and that she would write in her report that I am a prolific liar.

I recognized both that she was abusive in her position and that she suffers from cognitive dissonance and should therefore be regarded as mentally ill and functionally unstable, so much as it had affected her work related objectivity. I reported this exact statement by telephone to the secretary of the mental health team, who told me I would not have to see the woman again, they would send a different person to analyze me. I am always a little upset at use of the word analyze because it is so similar to an adjective describing bum sex, and so far I most definitely felt that the system was fucking me up the arse.

A week later the Pusher arrived to ask me why I had given up smoking cannabis. I explained that I no longer needed it, the addiction was affecting my life too much, and the irony was that it was not until after I had quit that I began being followed by inept gang stalkers who the police were claiming worked for them. I assume this situation to be the vendetta of my ex-dealer for leaving his syndicate, or simply sods law.

The Pusher asked if I had ever heard of the psychedelic rainbow, with basic soft drugs at one end and far out cosmic shit at the other end. He explained to me that the new skunkweed was as powerful as LSD and thought it was a shame that I had picked this time to quit smoking weed.

I wondered if he was taking the piss, or testing me, or was genuinely into this stuff. I told him that I had left the drug scene and was confused by his attempts to woo me back into it given that he is a state worker in his official capacity and that the state are at war on drugs; despite Holland shutting down prisons because their 20 years of decriminalized cannabis means there is much less crime in their country, because as everyone agrees, cannabis has helped strengthen the community awareness. Compared with Britain where reliance on criminal behaviour increases the police industry which strengthens the government. At that time the Home Secretary Teresa May had not yet issued a public statement, quote; “We are policed by consent” to which most sane members of the community chant in chorus; “I do not consent to be governed!”

I told him that CBD is a component of cannabis that is shown in independent trials to cure mental health disorders such as the alleged schizophrenia misdiagnosis, wheras THC is the component known to cause altered and expanded states of perception utilized by shamen for many thousands of years the world over. Given that I had previously been ingesting CBD, shown  to cure schizophrenia, why did the mental health computer tell them that cannabis actually causes schizophrenia. He could not answer this.

The Pusher then offered me three pharmaceutical drugs. First, Seroxat; I explained how I happen to know a guy who successfully sued the NHS for prescribing him that shit, when tests have shown it to make people suicidal and depressed, and that is why it is now illegal. Obviously his department has a stockpile of it to get rid of.

He offered me a different chemical the name of which I forgot, the side effect of which would cause me to grow boobs and lactate. Momentarily I wondered if he was trying to get me into some kinky bisexual fetish. I declined this drug on the basis that I do not really wish to be taking drugs that have a more severe effect on me than the ones which I had previously managed to quit, and also that sounds like a pretty fucked up drug.

So he offered me a third drug, the side effects of which are audio hallucinations.

I asked him what good it would do, giving someone who is misdiagnosed because he hears voices as audio hallucinations, a chemical that would cause him to hear audio hallucinations. Respectfully I declined on the basis that I really would like to be able to tell which are the real imaginary voices from which are the fake imaginary voices, and asked that he write in his report that my answer should be construed as a sign of someone of sane mind. I do not know if he did, I have not been able to get a copy of any of these reports because the NHS claim they have lost my case file.

I spoke with the secretary of the mental health team and requested that I do not have to deal with the Pusher again on the basis that he is cognitive dissonant if he thinks the stuff he was telling me was in any way sane and rational. A week later they sent me Dr Bye, who was lovely except that she and my father were old friends, sharing jokes and causing me to wonder what was going on behind the scenes between these two that I was not privy to. She treated me respectfully with an empathic sincerity that I appreciated, listening without judging, not making stupid comments and simply being really good at her job, so it seemed. Professional and by the book. She got me in contact with a social worker who was brilliant, who managed to get me the benefits I was actually entitled to which doubled my income, and helped me take ATOS to court after they threw me off of benefits because they didn’t believe the diagnosis either.

I asked all three of these mental health professionals exactly which textbook is it that describes the symptoms of hearing voices to be schizophrenia, rather than ‘not deaf’. Nobody has ever answered me that to date.

At around this time, the BBC in conjunction with the NHS made a short documentary about schizophrenia, which I did not see but I did read their booklet to accompany the documentary, and it states that one of the symptoms of schizophrenia is the denial of being schizophrenic. This means that anybody who claims they are not schizophrenic is exhibiting symptoms of being schizophrenic. This is lateral thinking, which in laymans terms means ‘stating the obvious’ or ‘telling it as it is’. Any notion of a hidden or layered subtext and of referential discourse in relation to the schizophrenia sufferer is highly valid and relevant merely by its use, in terms of having two different types of cognitive awareness occurring simultaneously. Lacking in any proper definition of what schizophrenia is (as all of the state experts seem to do), the phrase ‘having two different types of cognitive awareness occurring simultaneously’ itself takes on an interesting and extremely contrary meaning.

At this point I wave the Cognitive Dissonance flag again. After another session attended by both my social worker and Dr Bye, during which I spoke about the reality of extra-dimensional beings, magick and how nobody had yet asked me about childhood abuse that might be the root cause of any mental health problems I could be perceived to be suffering, I was released from assessment observation with the words "not in need of psychiatric counseling." It is now officially documented that I do not need psychiatric counseling. I am one of very few people in this category; everyone else is suspect.

It is my belief that all of this has occurred so that my paranoid and manipulative father can attempt to discredit me because I was a risk to his divorce proceedings after witnessing him snogging his colleague in a pub doorway during the six months prior to all this. He also told me afterward that Dr Bye is now dead so there is no point in me trying to contact her again.

It is my Common Law Right, believing and asserting myself to be of sane mind, that I am a conscientious and empathic Adult; and as the only true representative of myself, having never granted right of attorney to any other, to make a PUBLIC NOTIFICATION on and for the record, that:

I do not suffer from schizophrenia as alleged; that any such claim having been made was an act of misdiagnosis and professional misconduct, with myself positioned as injured party.

Furthermore, I hereby assert myself and by my own words to be a sane and sensible, educated natural Human being. Given the above,  and in context of the prevailance of Cognitive Dissonance mental health disorder running unchecked in this society, I hereby assume the role of both Adult and Alpha Male, with accumulated life experience beyond and outside of the limited and limiting belief structure of the majority of individuals with whom I interact or am likely to interact with.

Additional Postscript. A friend sent me this link after reading the above blog;

"Like computers, human brains may be vulnerable to hackers. Technology is already allowing scientists to read people's thoughts and even plant new ones in the brain."

These are the exact same sort of statements that I was making, which gave my father the idea to tell his doctor that I was 'hearing voices'. Whether my own brain has been hacked is apparently open to public question.

The following photographs from pre-2008. This is the crew who were gang-stalking me. I could hardly believe my eyes when I came out of the post office to see all of them there in a huddle! Lucky I had my camera phone with me.

Thursday 4 July 2013

Slag vs Slut

 A Slut is somebody promiscuous. You are designed to be.

If you have grown up in a slaver culture, you will probably have a lot of issues about this which will affect your relationship with those who you claim to love, while using the word incorrectly because what you actually mean is ownership.

A genuine loving relationship accepts reality and equality. Control relationships are abusive relationships and Slavery is against the Law despite the mainstream ignoring that in their daily routines and preconceptions of righteousness. You do not have to choose this option.

It is not your place to judge how any other person lives provided they are doing so safely and respectfully. Sluts are typically liberterian and polyamorous, all of which is as nature intends. God said ‘we should be with the one we get along with best’ which does change regularly for most people whose lives are worth living.

A spiritualist once explained to me that most people are in a situation of not meeting ‘the one’ even if such a thing does exist, and on average you are probably at least two years away from meeting someone you will get along with well enough to settle down with for a while.

Meanwhile you will biologically need sex within the next few days. Given this situation, does it not seem probable that we are supposed to be experimental and promiscuous as a species? Sex is a biological necessity the same as shitting and eating. People who have regular sex are much healthier, mentally emotionally and physically, than those who abstain from pleasure. What is wrong with pleasure? You are designed for it.

A Slag is someone who bitches about other people, grasses them up to the police after setting them up for a crime they did not do, causes trouble, is out for themselves and highly manipulative bordering on psychosis. These people are abusers and losers, and are not tolerated in the positive and successful community.

Sluts can be ethical. Slags are unscrupulous. That is the real difference.

What went wrong with mainstream culture is repression ideology. Sex is power, therefore those who want to control you encourage us to feel bad about being empowered and having fun doing it. Religion is the main ‘to blame’, followed by segregation and division of tribal communities into isolated family units. Emphasis on jealousy instead of emphasis on empathic emotional support indicates a problem situation.

Love. Acceptance, forgiveness, and genuine stability make any couple strong enough to withstand the reality that you will find other people attractive, that you will likely receive offers of mutual pleasure from other people. Love is always giving.

In counseling sessions, two important questions emerged that are healthy to contemplate:

What is your problem with pleasure?
What is your problem with other people experiencing pleasure without you?

Monday 1 July 2013

the deeper path

It should be mentioned first that Selene gave birth to a black queen and two toms, who opened their indigo blue eyes today. This blog follows on from river-of-instinct for the reason that my recent blog sets the stage for the events recalled here in this one. I was invited as band photographer for a gig by my friends,


who were headlining at the Parrot, Carmarthen for the Carmarthen festival of electronic music, the after-event for the sadly under-exciting annual town festival of music.

 I tried to do my John Peel thing but got caught up between the roles of photographer,  audio archivist and dancer. Sadly I didn't check to see if the recorder was working properly and I still don't know how much it recorded because my life is too hectic to catch up with itself. So the disc has gone in the big box of unlabelled recordings until further notice.


Mid-way through the set a very brave young hipster got upon stage and began singing along, tribal intonation chants. After an initial confusion and concern that the stage was being crashed, during which the band very professionally kept on playing without missing a beat, her impromputu act was a hit!

After the gig the band and I needed a place to stay and it turned out to be her place. By then I was exhausted and I fell asleep and missed the after-show 's after-show party, which was gatecrashed by some typical psycho's of the type Caermarthen town produces, chanting "pedophile pedophile rape rape" and doing dirty chemical drugs, getting attention by being as nasty as they can get away with and believing it to attract sex in their direction. Perhaps it does. It was the first party I have been to for nearly a decade and I was probably the oldest person there, watching people go through experiences I had already done by my twenties and experiences I don't ever want to go through. Reality check = sleep time!

On the altar of the living room table was a box which had the very same symbol I had seen before, from a drawing in the Fighting Fantasy book. It had come to my attention because Phoenix had been offered a life choice, of the sort to be found in the Temple of a Thousand Doors from the Never Ending Story; every room has two exit doors, each marked by a similar and related symbol, and you choose which one to go through.

The rapper Ozzy had offered to import Phoenix to Turkey to be his  Turkish bride (see Sun door), and instead of this path which according to Ian Livingstone's Temple of Terror is the Path of Doom, she chose to stay here instead (see Moon door). 

Unfortunately I did not got a photograph of the box with the Night symbol from the altar.

The table was a sheet of glass balanced upon a black stone lifesize bear cub, reminding me of a story from the Canadian indians of Wakim the bear cub who ran so fast up a mountain that he took off and flew up into the sky to become the little bear constellation.

The next day Phoenix arrived at my place with a book called Cat Spells. We're calling the black queen Midnight.

Friday 28 June 2013

Mage: the Ascension


Interview with Phil Brucato co-creator of Mage the Ascension (extracts)

“One of the main things, the Sphere system itself was already done by that point.

One of the things that really drew me to Mage, I never liked playing magic users. I found them boring,. For me, for every other roleplaying system up until Mage, it was; you’re a weak little dude who runs around and you got this big book of spells that as a character and a player you have to memorize, and a spell does this much by this much for this many turns, and it does this; its all very mechanical.

I’m pagan. I’m pagan to a degree I believe in magic, I’m familiar with the way that magic works in the real world, whether you’re looking at that as art or as a fantasy construct or as a belief system. And its not like that. It’s not a ten by ten square of effect and a dice for every level of the magic user. I never liked that. I always played thieves and fighters and stuff like that. I never wanted to play a magic using character until I read the manuscript for Mage 1st edition. I said holy fucking shit; Magic is an extension of the mage, Yes! That’s the way it works.

The Sphere system is definitely cumbersome, it can get very frustrating to work with. Mage is one of those games where its either its fantastically easy and intuitive for the people with that kind of mindset and its phenomenally complicated and brain breaking for a different mindset. One of the things I realized is this is going to be one of those games that only the right people like. A number of people are not going to like it. I’m coming to the table with the knowledge that some people will absolutely hate this. I’m not going to make it trying to please everybody I’m going to make it for the people who get it. Of all of the stuff in Mage I think the thing the original designers did absolutely right is that concept that magic is an extension of the person who uses it.

A big part of what I brought into that was the idea of reinforcing the belief of the mage, taking the mechanical element of Foci which you discard when you get to this part and extending it to the Foci of your ritual tools which are a symbolic extension of your beliefs. You believe in something and because you believe in something you believe the world works like this. Because you believe the world works like this you use this tool to direct your Intention this way, thus you use the tools that channel your belief toward your desire end. As Crowley said it; ‘Magic is the art and the science of altering reality in conforming with will.’ That’s what I wanted to bring to it. That element was originally there but I wanted to reinforce that what you’re doing when using the spheres is you’re taking you’re belief and you’re changing the world with it, rather than just ‘I cast my fireball at you, ha ha ha’."

Arete (pronounced: ah’ret’tay)

"It’s a Greek word. It means excellence, translates roughly to excellence. Getting Arete is not just a matter of spending points on it; its also a matter of the Seeking. The concept of seeking is already there but I wanted to play it up more. The idea that you didn’t just spend points to get better, you had to actually expand your consciousness. Arete in a rough English translation for it is excellence, is achievement, understanding, it doesn’t have a direct English translation to it but what it means is to cultivate your heroic self to a greater level.

Not just Power. Because power is not excellence. This is one of my primary themes throughout Mage. Power is a trap. At times it is necessary to have power. It is necessary to understand that you can claim power from within yourself. But most people look at power as something to take from people, and to have. To put yourself over people. We see the results of that every day, everywhere from the schoolyard bullies to abusive parents to rapists to dictators to the bankers who find that there is absolutely nothing wrong with impoverishing whole nations, as long as they get theirs. That’s why power is a trap. That’s one of the other primary things that I brought to Mage was the paradox (small p paradox) that in order to be a Mage you had to understand how to claim power and to have the confidence which is another aspect of Arete, the confidence to wield power. But you had to understand that if you pursued power for its own sake you will destroy yourself and everybody around you. Which is also an intrinsic part of many real world magical practices.

So I wanted to make it that getting Arete is more than just a point spending exercise in order to allow you to throw more dice around; it is actually involves roleplaying challenges, storytelling challenges and the growth of the character and going back to that Aspecting thing; the growth of the player through reflecting on what her character does and what her character is like.

One of the things I always wanted is; What do I the player walk away with after a game? I might have some cool stories but do I learn anything for the real world? Can I bring anything from that into the real world? We look at the things that our characters can do and we go; ‘hmm so that’s what my fantasy self does, what can my real self do?’ And the idea of expanding Arete to a greater level; how you expand the character and yourself, not just the amount of dice you can throw when you throw a firebolt down mainstreet."


"The wheel of quintessence was something that was established when I got there. In terms of how I personally view quintessence, first and foremost it’s a game mechanic. How I view it as a metaphysic: I see it as the quantum energy beneath and within all things. It is a theory of quantum physics that all space is occupied in some form or another, that molecules have… that there is this unstable state, that what we perceive as solid matter is more of an illusionary concept, that we place molecules into, than it is their natural state. Quintessence is what is called in Taoism the Unformed Block. Quintessence is the essence of possibility within all things that is shaped and channeled to become what we see and perceive and work with. It is both flowing energy and, static is the wrong word, and stationary. It is the unchosen possibility. Once you choose it, it takes a certain state. It’s the state of Shroedingers cat when you haven’t opened the box. All this goes into the high flung metaphysic that Mage is infamous for. Essentially its unformed possibility and that’s what mages work with, is unformed possibility.”


“Reality is like thunderdome: when two realities enter, one reality leaves.” Mage20

“One of the fundamental elements of what Mage became came out of endless conversations, endless 3, 4, 5 o’clock in the morning talks, we would spend hours talking about what is Reality? What is Quintessence? That’s frequently when we came up with our best ideas.

I realised through some of those conversations that the core element of Paradox is a Mage causes two realities to exist simultaneously. Only one of them can exist at that time. If the Mage is subtle enough, informed enough, enlightened enough, knowledgeable enough and strong willed enough, her reality will triumph. If she’s not, the overwhelming weight of reality will go [slap] with her. That’s essentially what Paradox is. When I had that realization I was like, that’s what Paradox is. Both in terms of game mechanics and in terms of the setting.

All the groups have different; ‘oh the paradox effect is this’, and ‘oh paradox is this’, ‘no its god punishing you’, ‘no it’s the weight of static reality’, ‘it’s the punishment of the technocracy and the enforcement of oppression upon our kind’.

No. What it is; you are changing the course, you are diverting the current. I describe it as: Think of reality as flowing water. You can step into it, you can splash around in it, you can submerge yourself in it, but if you get a big boulder and drop it in the middle, its probably going to knock your feet out from under you and then you’ll drop it on your head. Unless you drop the boulder very carefully don’t drop it on your feet, at which point reality will go around it. But reality is not going to stop because you dropped a boulder in it; reality keeps going. Your boulder or your effect on reality is going to splash back on you. The bigger you try to make it, the more its going to splash back on you. Coincidental magic is not just hiding your magic so the technocracy doesn’t get you; coincidental magic is going; huh, zen. What can I do the most effect with the least amount of disruption? Its like Aikido. What you’re trying to do is take reality and go, instead of going, I punch reality and punch it in the face! Well reality punches you back. And if you punch hard enough you might give reality a bloody nose, and then reality will kick your arse. But if you can use aikido on it, which is part of what Tao is, its reality-aikido. Its taking reality and making reality flow, as opposed to making reality punch you. Every once in a while you have to punch reality in the face and hope it doesn’t punch you back.

Which is another one of the (small p) paradox of being a mage. By being a mage you change reality, you redirect reality, you pit yourself against reality and you realize you have to be stable enough, strong enough, knowledgeable enough and confident enough to do it. By doing that you risk everything; you risk yourself, you risk damaging the world around you, you risk the things and the people you love, you risk your beliefs. Sometimes you have to risk, which is another essential part of how I believe real life actually works, and its one of the things I have heard a lot of people who love Mage have said; ‘Mage inspired me to believe in myself and believe I could change the world’. That is something that I absolutely believe in. Not only can we change the world but we have a responsibility to change the world.

The reality of the world is, especially these days, the reality of the world is that there are a lot of motherfuckers out there. There are s lot of selfish, greedy, stupid, blockheads out there who want to sit on top of you, who want to sit on top of the things and the people who you value, who want to crush you for their own gain. They will do it if you let them. Don’t fucking let them! And I don’t mean don’t let them as in become one of them; I mean stand up to them and realize that you are not powerless. That to me is the core. If there is one take away from my approach to Mage, if I had to sum it up in one sentence it is this; you are not powerless.

And the paradox of realizing you are not powerless is that it is very very easy to become one of those oppressors if you’re not careful. That is one of the elements I have running through it is that the Technocracy is corrupt. The Marauders obviously are fucking scary. The Traditions are corrupt. The more these Mages get powerful, the more their power oppresses other people. They have to have the power to change the world, that’s what they’re there for. But they become as Pete Townsend put it, meet the new boss same as the old boss. Your small p paradox in Mage is you have the power, you must use the power, but the power can destroy you and everything you hold dear. But you must use it; use it carefully."

"Your personal beliefs are the things that shape your vision of the world, they are also going to shape your magic. They are going to shape the way your magic affects the world for other people. The awakening moment is when you realize that you are not powerless. When you realize that you have the potential to change reality, you have the potential to move the world. You have the potential to be a god, and you realize that. Not just; ‘oh wow, like I can like cast magic, you mean like magic is real, oh wow let me get out my tarot cards and like foretell your future?’ No. It’s the moment where physically, mentally, spiritually, energetically, you go; holy fuck I get it. That’s a real thing.

Mage the Ascension is a metaphor for a lot of stuff but at the core of all the game fictions and the constructs and the spheres and the world changing magics and all of that, there is this ultimate realization of; wait a minute, I can do this. That realization on a metaphysical level is what the Awakening is. It’s the moment of; holy shit, I’m not powerless, I’m not a drone, I’m not a slave to reality and I’m not a slave to what other people enforce on me.

Another small p paradox of the mage is that by realizing this the mage suddenly gets swept up onto a whole other level of being played as a pawn and has to deal with that.

The Awakening is whether, the Awakening could be like the sort of thing you are if you were raised in a mystical culture and ‘oh yes, my ancestors gave me this thing and I went on a vision quest and grandmother spider came to me and told me that I could and I followed the vision and I did it’ or it could be the catastrophic moment where somebody busts into your house, sets it on fire, ties you to the bed, runs out laughing and you go; ‘No! This will not happen!’ It really depends on the character. And the Awakening itself is a fundamental part of the character and the characters story. Everyones is different.”

from the Fragile Path

Interviewer: “With this idea of Cabals and Chantries, what kind of things will we be seeing in Mage 20 with regard to that element?”

“It’s people. It’s the human element. That’s one of the small p paradox. One of the first lines of Mage20 is ‘the problem with men and gods is too many men think they’re gods and too many gods act like men’.

One of the driving ideas of the mage society is even when you have all these high flown ideals, even with all of these powers, even with this ‘I can conceive of the nature of reality, look the motes of quintessence out of thin air and weave them’; you’re still a fucking human being. That’s also a paradox, one of the things that drives the older mages crazy, particularly Porthos, my avatar and aspect during those days, one of the things that drove Porthos crazy is the recognition that they have the power of a god but he was still a man, with human urges, human grudges, human ideals and aspirations, human limitations, human frailties, loves, passions, aggravations, and the power to throw mountains, and he had the responsibility he felt to change the world for the better. But he found himself going; ‘I don’t know what better is any more, after five hundred years I don’t know what that looks like. Oh crap, what am I now’?

On a smaller level cabal politics, on a larger level the factions and the various different, whether you’re talking about the Nephandi or Marauders or Traditions, they’re still functioning with the same question; I am a person with inhuman powers. And an inhuman duty, responsibility, desire to use them. But I am still a person; I still fuck, I still shit, I have cramps, I have headaches, I have loves and I have wounds and I have these things in me and I have to be careful with what I do with them. But those things make me who I am.

I’m not a vampire remembering who I was years before, I’m not a spirit synthesis of human spirit and beast, I’m not a ghost, I’m not a changeling left behind by the Faye or transformed; I’m a human being with inhuman powers and an inhuman place in the grand scheme of things. And sometimes that can be as big as the self destruction of Dositep where basically you had these four hundred, three hundred, five hundred year old high school students blow the place and each other to bits over their internal rivalries. Or you have;

I was playing in a game back in the 90s. I don’t remember the exact story, her lover and cabal mate had died horrible and been damned and her character fell into a gorrible depression. She was drinking and drugging and fucking everyone in the bar just to blot out the fact that her lover was damned and she knew it and couldn’t do anything about it. And my character the unaligned mage was like, here take my hand. And opened up the spheres for her, just one level, just the perceptions, lets go for a walk. They went hand in hand for a walk in the park with the spheres on, all the ones that they had. And Jennifer says just look, you don’t have to do anything, just look at how wonderful how the world is. And that pulled her out of the depression. Not because I had used mind to rearrange emotions but because I just said; this is who we are; just look at what we can see.

And that I guess is another major theme in Mage. Look at the world with bigger eyes. Look at the world with a more expansive view. Because its not this little fucking consumeristic box that we are sold, where you get up and you go and do your thing and you buy stuff and you come back and watch the television and take orders from everybody. It can be bigger than that. It can be better than that. And when you look at how much bigger and better than it can be; it is better."