Concrete & Blue

“Why do you call me?” I asked, hiding empathic tears behind a mask of professionalism worn for her benefit to ease her into acceptance, not of me who she had already chosen to engage with but of herself who she had not yet. 

“I feel I have a hedgehog for a heart.” She stated in monotone. It might easily have been a choked voice if she had put emotion into her statement. She was not at that place. Her heart felt more like a stone to me, a nut with a hard shell. It’s seed could not break through without pain and greater effort than she alone could muster. Her voice, true voice of her heart, was dead. Her experiences had made her concrete. 

I gave her blue. She dreamed. 

“A porcupine whose spines burst open as peacock feathers, can you imagine what that would look like?” 

Unlocking the keys to genetic modification is already an existing technology. We already have bioluminescent trees and pavements in some cities. 

Within bdsm culture, once you have sifted through the available egotists and abusers to discover that rare, authentic Master, the training provided is equivalent to genetic science for the impact it can have in personal transition toward liberation, personal enlightenment and empowerment, using known methods, based on the principle of developing trust between socially kinked individuals by application of those methods. 

Yet a lot of people are afraid of it and resent it. They judge it. And yet, they know nothing about it. 

“I feel like I need the pain to get back there, to relive it, to heal it. It’s not that ‘I like pain’ so much as I feel dead without the stimulation training my nerves to wake up and feel alive. It’s what trauma conditioning does to people. That’s well documented.” 

She expressed with unusual clarity the attraction of such a lifestyle, shared her understanding of how it could help her by providing what she needs to find her way back to wholesomeness. “I can’t do it alone. I tried...” the scars, blade marks where she had inserted metaphorical hedgehog quills attempting to go deep enough into herself to fix the problem. 

It is not the physical act of torture and in extreme cases self-mutilation. The goal is to go deep enough into the soul to bring healing. One becomes symbolic for the other and therefore a gate through which to access it. Emotional and mental trauma from abuse and bereavement affecting relationships and self-harmony ability to function. 

The act is not the purpose. The act as a result of the purpose. The act of cutting a piece of wood is not the purpose. Having furniture to store things safely is the purpose. You don’t look at a person wielding a saw and label them as destructive, you label them as creative. 

That we can understand any experience a person going through as a step in the process toward a purpose. The experience is not the purpose. The consequence is the purpose.

It is this awareness which proves the difference between a master who knows what they’re doing, and an abuser exploiting novices within a culture. 

Neither is it grandiosity and egotism for the master serving the submissive. The master provides and aims to fulfil a purpose, that of healing, of harmonising and enlightening the submissive. 

This is not a simple task of kinky activities for the sake of kinky activities. Nothing is done without purpose. Every activity serves purpose. 

The observer sees only the physical, perhaps also audio and olfactory universes, and some level of empathic sympathy. The observer is a voyeur for their own sensory pleasure. Their presence if known may serve to stimulate the submissive toward a specific and pre-considered state. That is their function. 

The experience of the submissive is wholly encompassing, for it is real as a lived experience. The tastes involved invoke reaction. The nervous system reacts a determinable way, this is by intention. Hormonal release is controlled by the mistress or master. The submissive is being altered, neurologically, emotionally, psychologically. 

Our state of being is held in our body. In our stance, in our poise. Our past attachments are worn. These are massaged, counselled, through the act of bdsm experiences. 

BDSM primarily is not a physical activity. It is holistic. The trust relationship between Dominant and Submissive parties is the core principle of the bondage. The relationship in a word. 

Not Love although the development of that is a beautiful thing. It is Trust. 

For the submissive this means stepping into the unknown. Crossing the boundary to learn from experience what is on the other side. Until then the boundary is merely fiction. 

The Dom operates through whatever known means necessary to provide the service of holistic enlightenment of the sub. 

 

Bondage 

(relationship as addiction, trauma bonding, liberation)

Discipline 

(of others and self-discipline for all parties)

Domination and Submission 

(realms of consent, brats, slavery)

Sadism and Masochism

(providing a service through means known to work vs enjoyment of suffering) 

what is BDSM

“Pardon the ignorance, but watta hell is BDSM?” anon

Bondage Discipline Deviation Domination Submission Sadism Masochism 

There are four primary and four secondary “roles” or “persona preferences” although  any school teaching only two (Dom and Sub) is immediately questionable as an excuse for abuse by people who don’t know what they’re doing and claim to be part of bdsm culture while debasing it. 

The four major are submissive dominant switch and brat. Switch can do either Sub or Dom depending on who they’re with and what the mood is. Brat is annoying attention-seeking attempting to convert their dom to a sub or their sub to a dom by undermining their authority, using anger reflex as a game to establish the partners breaking point and to encourage the partner to sexually abuse them violently which the brat believes they need for their own pleasure. It’s a different dynamic to a standard sub who is genuinely more submissive than a brat. 

The secondary four types are more rare and are more complicated, featuring a sub who wants to be a dom but isn’t/can’t, a dom who wants to be a sub but isn’t/can’t, a worse version of a brat who does not have normal social safety boundaries to limit their behaviour (which is what brats often attempt to become or at least appear to be) and a wider group called broken switch which doesn’t flow with the partner switch and causes glitches, hence the title glitch applied to them in some groups. 

My training in this is from experience and formal training from previous generations which were not dumbed down by the explosion of bdsm culture into public awareness and had to keep it more secret, long ago before the internet came along which assumes to have all the answers at the push of a button but generally doesn’t and is laughable with misinformation and lack of information. 

A good sub-dom relationship is about trust, and exploring oneself by shared activities in those roles - everything in it is about trust, and exploring the self and the other person. 

A bad sub-dom relationship is non-consensual and/or does not respect the need for trust at the heart of the relationship. 

Unfortunately the excuse for abuse which is assumed by abusers who latched onto bdsm as an arena to get away with it does put many people off the whole concept of exploring the many rituals involved. 

The exploration of pleasure mixed with pain to heighten sensory awareness and exploration of a lucid state of consciousness is intense and requires downtime as it can be exhausting. Care is always the keyword. The states explored of offering stability for inner trauma is preferable than the creation of trauma through misguided use of bdsm. 

It’s one of many facets of sexuality. Personally having been through a lot of bdsm culture I prefer the spiritual focus of tantric sensuality than what I find to be wild teenage fantasies for disfunctional adults. 

You will not find a more detailed overview of what bdsm culture is elsewhere in the internet nor from most practitioners you ever meet, than the words you have read here. 

These however are merely words. In my safe room you will not speak unless in simple honest direct answer to a question. The purity and intimacy of silence is a part of the methods I prefer and will reveal deeper and more passionately aspects of yourself not available during the distraction of human language structures. 

It most certainly is not simply “porn” although it can play it’s part. 

It’s a whole-lifestyle culture. 

The discipline aspect can involve for example diet for sexual health, exercise regime, many activities outside of the bedroom for the strengthening of the people individually and the relationship. For example visiting romantic locations and betterment of the individuals such as art galleries, museums, education, etc, to strengthen self discipline as a reflex with encouragement by the partner, new experiences for broadening perceptions and horizons, expanding the self. 

Knowing what you are doing is the domain of the dom. 

Trusting the dom to be caring even in any physical emotional and mental punishment necessary to instil a structured stability without it becoming excuse for abuse, is the domain of the yielding submissive who typically lacks self discipline and structure in their life. 

For many people bdsm means sexy lingerie, blindfolds, handcuffs and crappy spanking paddles from adult toy websites, vanilla and manila forms of kink.  

For some it involves more extreme experiences for instance kidnap and torture and other fetish fantasies, of which there is a vast range imaginable. 

Bondage Games Wales

Bondage Games in SW Wales.


The problem with clinically. The problem with clinically is that when you say the word into a voice-to-text software, in a proper Welsh pronunciation, it interprets it as the word ‘clinically’. This observation is not the original purpose of my making this post.


The problem with Llanelli is it is so backward here the people need everything to be black and white simple. Anything complicated is universally repressed as being wrong.


At the same time, the intricacies of the control and domination games played by most of the sub-cultural groups, are far from being black and white simple and obvious.


I grew up in BDSM culture from a young age. I get it. By the age of eight I understood naturally the differences between gay and bisexual - without that necessarily making me either. Even today a lot of Welsh people have difficulty with it because of mainstream social prejudice (conformity and ignorance).


What they now call LGBT too, back in the eighties and nineties which for Wales is equivalent to the fifties and sixties, didn’t yet exist so it was all an offshoot of what back then used to be called BDM.


Reference to the Sadism element was discretely added a decade or so later after the scene and its terminology was established in the region, when it became more acceptable to explore such dark places.


There four major sub-groups within BDSM categories. I self-identify as Switch and I have unfortunately a lot of experience with Brats, despite not wanting to.


I came to Llanelli and people here, are black and white. They see Sub or Dom. That’s it, you get pigeon-holed into one category or the other. They call it Top or Bottom. No between. They laugh at the idea there can even be an in-between.


So because I’m Switch and not overtly Dom, the wannabe Doms catagorize me as a Sub. I’m not a Sub, I’m Switch.


“No,” says the Doms, “you’re not a Dom because I am a Dom and I’m telling you that you are a Sub.”


It’s all power games.


I’ve known professional dominatrix and most Llanelli Doms aren’t. They’re people playing power games. There’s a big difference, the major one being consent. Throughout the professional industry and the history and development of bdsm culture, consent is the major critical. For extreme example its why we use safe words. Even within CNC (consensual non-consent, which is the nice name for rape-play) consent is the critical mutually shared understanding.


Without consent, it is abuse.


There is a big difference between consenting to extreme sports (including physical pain, punishment, etc), and actual criminal abuse which causes lasting psychological and emotional damage.


Abuse from narcissistic games is not welcome in BDSM communities. Narcissists of course are attracted to such positions of empowerment because it enables them to abuse. Narcissists assume domination over their targets life using whatever overt and covert means necessary, without consent and even despite formal non-consent. That is not the same thing as dominatrix within BDSM culture.


With proper Dom training the importance of recognizing the Doms role to include being a carer and instructor, toward the end result of healing the subject through whatever activities the subject has consented to, or consented to trust the Dom to inflict upon them.


Being a sub in that context is to trust the Dom to create spaces in which to explore emotional and psychological planes, as much as physical pleasure-pain relations. It is all about personal development. 


The trust relationship between a Dom and the sub is also a factor, wherein the sub is enabling the Dom to explore that space within themself. Again, this is why we have safe words.


The role of a Switch is somebody who can and needs to alternate between sometimes being a Dom and sometimes being a sub. Switch get on best with another switch. The classical roles form a framework to orientate, communicate shared activities and discuss those things explored and experienced together with an intimate trust partner.


In most places, most people are Switches. Not in Llanelli. A handful of narcissists has declared everybody else to be subs upon whom they inflict all types of cruel emotional and psychological games, without consent. These narcissists recognize one another as such, and describe one another as the social Doms to reinforce their authority consensus.


Most people in Llanelli who use the BDSM framework do not know what a Switch is. Much less what Brats are. They are not taught BDSM, they are taught narcissistic abuse networks using select terminology and concepts taken from that community.


Bondage is powerful. It is not limited to dressing up in leather of pvc and tying people up. It affects whole being and other areas of life. It’s about relationships and establishing groundwork an operational framework from which to explore from. This is not merely physical. It is mental and emotional, it is instinctual and energetic. It is about building and maintaining shared worlds.


Searching online sex toy shops for category bondage, it’s appalling how limited the range is when comparing what it’s all about with the focus of what stuff is available. In twenty five years I’ve required very little of that stuff at all and don’t know why people would get into most of it.


BDSM isn’t primarily about different flogging tools. The whole purpose is opening mental and emotional spaces safely to face and deal with darker aspects of self we probably wouldn’t openly wear in public.


Bondage games are about relationships, nurturing them as they develop. About the individuals involved. The understanding that a relationship is a pure thing, is a trust between consenting individuals. Most of that is about helping each other grow in understanding and toward being better, stronger, more wholesome individuals. Independently choosing to grow together to become independent, choosing to remain together. A relationship is a luxury. Bondage is about exploring those ties which bind, communicating about them, enjoying them.


Break-ups leave loose ends, minds and emotions flailing painfully, bodies physically craving routine addiction. The best partners are those who protect their partner in event of that outcome while simultaneously providing stability for that not to happen. The method is from mutual respect, which exists only because of consent. Avoiding routine becoming addiction is what keeps partnership fresh.


#BDSM #BDM #narcissism #abuse #bondage #dom #sub #switch #sub #consent