When we break events and decisions into black and white, step by step procedures, we recognise what is happening. It is more easy to deal with things this way.
She came to a Gate, a Choice. She chose one way rather than another way. She chose to end the relationship and to wallow in misery about how she cannot hold a stable relationship together because her choice of partners always betray her by cheating on her. Someone cheated on her and upset her drastically. It fractured her mind. She has no trust. It is her core wound.
The partner did not cheat on her. He was presented by the universe with a test and he passed it. However, that he tried to explain to her that he was undergoing that specific test was sufficient to trigger her trauma response and activate her trauma mind which then did the computation as to what was going on. As a result she projected onto him actions he had not done and words he had not said. She blames him for being tested by the universe even though he had passed the test. She does not believe him, she thinks he is lying, a manipulator, a cheater, a narcissist, a misogynist.
He recognises she is functioning from trauma response, not from her healing heart, not from her higher wisdom. This is what trauma does to people. We all have traumas, we can all relate. The guy who did that to her did a real number on her. Others have done it to her since, so she says.
He identifies that although he has not done that to her, to her mind he has. The entrenchment deepens that ‘all men will cheat’ because she is manifesting that for herself even when it is not the truth of what happened in the real world. She is telling her support network he is yet another man who has cheated on her. He recognises this as a delusion. He cannot prove it one way or another. He asked her to trust her intuition and her heart instead of her mind.
He has also in the past been cheated on by multiple ex-partners. His coping mechanism has been to adapt to the situation of accepting people are going to cheat in relationships and on building a level of trust not based on ‘an affair is grounds for divorce’ but rather on the inevitably it will probably happen anyway and forgiveness of her for doing it. Acceptance of the female nature of hypergamy. With some ex-partners who operate on this basis it has led to a much deeper emotional and mental connection with them, a strengthening of the relationship bond. With others, she has left as soon as she has been caught at it, by her choice or by his, because social conditioning has instructed that to be the appropriate and righteous response.
Those are the choices. You move on either because he rejects her or she rejects him, or you stay together and work through forgiveness verses resentment.
That is the three swords in the diagram of Three of Swords (heartbreak). Three paths based on three ways of thinking involved, three choices of which to ascribe to. They are also the three minds involved in the triangle / the battle.
All this has shaped his understanding of how women function as much as male cheaters have affected her understanding of how men function. He has never cheated on any of his partners, so he does not believe it is true that ‘all men are cheaters’ any more than he believes it is true ‘all women are cheaters’.
The sad thing is she comes across as irrational and delusional while criticising him for attempting to gaslight her as proof he is a narcissist, not because of what he has done to her but because of what her previous partners before him have done to her. He now questions whether all of them have done that and if this is not simply her way of moving through a stream of men in a way deemed socially acceptable, by sacrificing the one who has been supporting her. As soon as she becomes bored of the one she is with she projects blame onto him. Either way, Doubt has set in.
The allegations are based on trauma conditioning rather than on truth and love. He knows from past experience when a woman he is in a relationship with behaves this way it very often indicates she has herself cheated and has created a drama to divert attention away from that, to control the narrative by forcing him to jump through hoops and to justify himself for something he has not done, in her attempt to get away with it. This behaviour revealing what is going on in her life and in her mind. Thus, there is insufficient truth and love in that relationship for it to keep developing positively.
All he knows for sure is he loves her and forgives her, that he didn’t cheat, and that he wants her to heal her core wound.
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