RAPO

Nickelback- S.E.X.

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Games People Play

The Psychology of Human Relationships

byEric Berne, MD

CHAPTER 9. SEXUAL GAMES

Some games are played to exploit or fight off sexual impulses. These are all, in effect, perversions of the sexual instincts in which the satisfaction is displaced from the sexual act to the crucial transactions which constitute the payoff of the game. This cannot always be demonstrated convincingly, because such games are usually played in privacy, so that clinical information about them has to be obtained second-hand, and the informants bias cannot always be satisfactorily evaluated. The psychiatric conception of homosexuality, for example, is heavily skewed, because the more aggressive and successful ‘players’ do not often come for psychiatric treatment, and the available material mostly concerns the passive partners.


2. PERVERSION

Thesis.
Heterosexual perversions such as fetishism, sadism and masochism are symptomatic of a confused Child and are treated accordingly. Their transactional aspects, however, as manifested in actual sexual situations, can be dealt with by means of game analysis. This may lead to social control, so that even if the warped sexual impulses remain unchanged, they are neutralised as far as actual indulgence is concerned.


3. RAPO

Thesis.
This game is played between a man and a woman which might more politely be called, in the milder forms at least, ‘kiss off’ or ’indignation’. It may be played with varying degrees of intensity.


1. First-Degree ‘Rapo’, or ‘Kiss Off’, is popular at social gatherings and consists essentially of mild flirtation. White signals that she is available and get her pleasure from the mans pursuit. As soon as he has committed himself, the game is over. If she is polite, she may say quite frankly ” I appreciate your compliments and thank you very much”, and move onto the next conquest. If she is less generous, she may simply leave him. A skilful player can make this game last for a long time at a large social gathering by moving around frequently, so that the man has to carry out complicated manoeuvres in order to follow her without being too obvious.

2. In Second-Degree ‘Rapo’, or ‘Indignation’, White gets only secondary satisfaction from Black’s advances. Her primary gratification comes from rejecting him, so that this game is also colloquially known as ‘Buzz Off, Buster’. She leads Black into a much more serious commitment than the mild flirtation of the first degree ‘Rapo’ and enjoys watching his discomfiture when she repulses him. Black, of course is not as helpless as he seems, and may have gone to considerable trouble to get himself involved. Usually he is playing some variation of ‘Kick me’.

3. Third-Degree ‘Rapo’ is a vicious game which ends in murder, suicide or the courtroom. Here, White leads Black into compromising physical contact and then claims that he has made a criminal assault or has done her irreparable damage. In its most cynical form White may actually allow him to complete the sexual act so that she gets enjoyment before confronting him. The confrontation may be immediate, as in the illegitimate cry of rape, or it may be long delayed, as in suicide or homicide following a prolonged love affair. If she chooses to play it as a criminal assault, she may have no difficulty in finding mercenary or morbidly interested allies, such as the press, the police, counsellors and relatives. Sometimes, however, these outsiders may cynically turn on her, so that she loses the initiative and becomes a tool in their games.

In some cases outsiders perform different function. They force the game on an unwilling White because they want to play ‘Let’s You And Him Fight’. They put her in such a position that in order to save her face or her reputation she has to cry rape. This is particularly apt to happen girls under the legal age of consent; they may be quite willing to continue a liaison, but because it is discovered or made an issue of, they feel constrained to turn the romance into a game of Third-Degree ‘Rapo’.

In one well-known situation, the wary Joseph refused to be inveigled into a game of ‘Rapo’, whereupon Potiphar’s wife made the classical switch into ‘Let’s You And Him Fight’, an excellent example of the way a hard player reacts to antithesis, and of the danger that beset people who refuse to play games. These two games are combined in the well-known ‘Badger Game’, in which the woman seduces Black and then cries rape, at which point her husband takes charge and abuses Black for the purpose of blackmail.

One of the most unfortunate and acute forms of Third-Degree ‘Rapo’ occurs relatively frequently between homosexual strangers, who in a matter of an hour or so may bring the game to a point of homicide. The cynical and criminal variations of this game contribute a large volume to sensational newspaper copy.

The childhood prototype of ‘Rapo’ is the same as that of ‘Frigid Woman’, in which the little girl induces the boy to humiliate himself or get dirty and then sneers at him, as classically described by Maugham in Of Human Bondage and by Dickens in Great Expectations. This is Second Degree. A harder form, approaching Third-Degree may be played in tough neighbourhoods.

Antithesis.
The man's ability to avoid becoming involved in this game or to keep it under control depends on his capacity to distinguish genuine expressions of feeling from moves in the game. If he is thus able to exert social control, he maintained a great deal of pleasure from the mild flirtations of ‘Kiss Off’. On the other hand it is difficult to conceive of a safe antithesis to the Potiphar's wife manoeuvre, other than checking out before closing time with no forwarding address.

Relatives.
The male versions of ‘Rapo’ are notoriously found in commercial situations: ‘Casting Couch’ (and then she didn't get the part)’ and ‘Cuddle Up’ (and then she got fired).

Analysis.
The following analysis refers to Third-Degree ‘Rapo’ because there the elements of the game are more dramatically illustrated.

Aim: malicious revenge.
Roles: seductress, wolf.
Dynamics (Third-Degree): penis envy, oral violence. ‘Kiss Off’ is phallic, while ‘Indignation’ has strong anal elements.
Examples: (1) I’ll tell on you, you dirty little boy. (2) Wronged woman.
Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.
Adult (male): “I'm sorry if I went further than you intended to.”
Adult (female): “You have violated me and must pay the full penalty.”
Psychological Paradigm: Child-Child.
Child (male): “See how irresistible I am.”
Child (female): “Now I've got you, you son of bitch.”
Moves:
(1) female: seduction; male: counter-seduction.
(2) female: surrender; male: victory.
(3) female: confrontation; male: collapse.
Advantages:
(1) internal psychological - expression of hatred and projection of guilt.
(2) external psychological - avoidance of the emotional sexual intimacy.
(3) internal social - ‘Now I’ve Got You, You Son Of A Bitch’.
(4) external social - ‘Ain’t It Awful’, ‘Courtroom’, ‘Let’s You And Him Fight’.
(5) biological - sexual and belligerent exchanges.
(6) existential - I am blameless.

STATEMENT

STATEMENT

This blog is part of the open discourse on ‘what life is like’ and ‘issues we face’.

She accused me of being a Narcissist (NPD). Here is my debunk of that allegation. 

She is wrong, either willfully or because she is a zombi. 

screenshot from https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/

1. Advertising what I do, marketing my business, is not “showing off that I am better than everybody else” it is marketing my business using things I have made with my skill set. The objects are what they are and they speak for themselves. They have won awards. They have won grants funding from several different sources who believe in them. This gives me encouragement that what I am doing has some value. It is quantifiable and not imaginary. As an artist I see only the flaws where I can improve, much more than I see the bits that work. I suffer low self esteem to such extent it is catalogued with the GP and has been presented as a fact in a PIP claim court case which I won. County judges accept that I have low self esteem. Doctors accept that I have low self esteem. The fact I do not socialize because of my low self esteem speaks volumes. This is the opposite to believing myself superior without commensurate achievements. I know what levels I have achieved. Sometimes they are further than most people have achieved, often they are not. Is there a problem with being proud of my achievements and using them to promote my business?

2) preoccupation with fantasies of success verses very focused on attempting to make a successful business. Are these the same thing?

3) Everybody is unique. Everybody is special. I have no problem with accepting this as a reality. I refuse to believe I am less special than anyone else and I refuse to believe I am not unique because clearly I am. I do not believe that to be a mental illness, I believe that to be obvious common sense.

4) Requires excessive admiration. No I simply want to discuss being a creative with other creative people. It is the beautiful object and not the beautiful creator of that object which is the topic of debate and critique.

5) Strong sense of entitlement. Please be very aware that Human Rights and Lawful Rights are called Rights for a reason despite living in a society which tries to erode them and undermine them at every step of the way. Example, being told that my business concept, quote "is crazy" unquote and that I "should work voluntarily (eg: not getting paid) for existing companies instead of wasting my time" by Wales Council Business Development Officer (happens to be gender female) did not prevent alternate sources (happens to be non-welsh and male gender) giving me grants funding.

6) Is exploitative of others. I paid a freelancer a lot more than she expected for making some art for my company. I tip taxi drivers. I am not manipulative in fact I reject manipulators from my life.

7) Lacks empathy. I have nvq2 counselling. I am a natural empath. It is a flaw rather than a strength, I would get much further if I stopped giving things away from free or taking time to listen to and support people who need to ‘get it off their chest’ and trust me to do so based on my nature and my life experience meaning my advice is usually pretty good (example, a friend who is now suing Wales Social Services for their committing Fraud and Libel which there is evidence for, instead of them taking her kids off her for fabricated reasons - they lost the case). 

8) Is often envious of others. I think, given the above, you can clearly see why such a person would make allegations that I am mentally unstable rather than accept me for what I am. I am proud of people who achieve success through their own effort and not through corruption. I expose corruption. The corrupt slander the truthers. It’s not that I do not care about other people’s success, it simply doesn’t make me feel bad about myself or resentful toward them. What I object to and have difficulties with is when they exploit other people to get there - I am usually the one counselling those who have been walked all over.

9) Regularly shows arrogant haughty behaviour. I am aloof yes. This is because I do not suffer fools and do not have time for people who my instincts or evidence is telling me are dodgy. It is also because being low self esteem i have not developed interpersonal skills. I became a counsellor to overcome this because it mostly relies being a good listener rather than a good talker.


Having read all the above, you make your own mind up whether I am NPD as accused or whether its another feminazi social-alienation strategy and control game, based on … lets see now, envy and repressionism, perhaps? The whole concept of ‘the bigger they are the harder they fall and if I destroy someone I see as being bigger than me, that means I must be bigger than them’ - which sane people call ‘trouble-makers’.

I do not know if she is wrong willfully or because she is a zombi. She might be playing mind games / control games with me or she might simply be a robotic super-ego mind-slave whose belief structure is based on disfunctionality-causing indoctrination. There are a lot of them about. In either case, I told her to fuck off because i do not want either type of person in my life. Actually my specific words, which I have said to quite a few people when they have been abusing and exploiting my good nature, were: “Either give me some respect (which i deserve) or fuck off and leave me alone.” So far not one person who I have had recourse to say this phrase to has apologized and stuck around to accept what I am doing is harmless, indeed constructive. They all fuck off and then slander me behind my back, tell each other and the police that I am dangerously insane, and permeate their delusional versions of reality because it is easier for them to live that way than to accept that they are prejudice and jealous.This does not make me egotistic, because it is their control drama I am having to contend with when all i want is an easy life of living in peace and making art for money.

I have had to deal with a lot, i would say an excessive number of abusive, manipulative sociopaths whose favourite game is to abuse the victim and then discredit the victim when the victim stands up for himself. I am not a victim. By telling people I do not want to be their victim, that is not a grandiose sense of self importance. It is imperative to know this difference. Feminazi believe they are being clever by playing these games. Compare their creative productivity which is abusive and verbal / mind control with mine which is physical thus impersonal and has financial value. Compare their social reputation as clever villains with the number of people who have been helped through rather than into counseling. This is not unwarranted pride at my accomplishments. This is all verifiable. Another point is that prior to my having told these types to either “give me some respect or fuck off”, all of them are people who have before turning into vampires, come to me for emotional, mental and financial support, assuming me to be a limitless well of all three. 

“Successful people do not play games.”

The Games People Play by Dr Eric Berne.